Blogs

When i look at my blog, i realise how rare i write compare with other's.. How impressed i am when i found few blogs owned by my friends and theirs are really good one. Not only stories about their life but also whats been happening with world and surround.. I am indeed a big fan of theirs blog.

My belief is what you write reflects what you are. Oftentimes you think you know this people well but not until u read their blog. Funny when you may feel you know this person by reading their writing even tough you dont know who they are exactly. By writing you express more emotions, honesty, sadness, depression, anger, hatred, happiness, excitement than you ever could do verbally.

I personally like to write. I have been writing letters for my friends since i was little, i love to and still love to write a bday card or christmas card. I wrote few poems but not anymore as i found its a bit hard. I used to love write for tony. I just love writing. I know i dont write blog frequently. I wanted to and i had ideas in my mind about what to write but somehow when i was about to write it stucked and ended up not finishing the whole story. I had more drafts than blog posted, ad a result of my lazziness.

I admire people's writing especially person i know. I am not a big fan of books but when i am in a mood, i could spend my days sitting at library and read. I dont read at home as i find too much distraction. I tried read at park but i cant concentrate on what i read. I rather do small jog or walk and listening music at park.

Oo sory back to writing,
Recently i find friends' status at facebook a bit exaggerate. few friends seems to swear over their status. One or two times for me is fine, but hey why i kept seeing this person blames the world all the time. Uups now i remember i was also doing that few years ago.. And?? Gotcha friends think i was pathetic and i was not cool.

Yap, meaning for everything you write and upload in internet make you huge different. People dont want and dont care who you are they care what you just saying on the net. Worse thing happened you can loose your job, your friend and your loved one all because of your blogs.

I dont want to scare you but its true, we never think how far these blogs bring us to readers. If your blog is good people adore you, they visit your site to check on the newest story.

For myself, writing is the other way to show how and what i feel and think about something. I dont expect people to agree or read my blog however i will be glad if there's someone enjoy my writing.

I will try to put more ideas in my next blogs and hope you do enjoy it.

Until we meet again, take care...

Just before july ends,,,

I came up with an idea just 4 hours before august comes..

Yes it is officialy still july.. And i want to write something, well maybe more about self learning for what have been happening along this month...

I love july a lot as i was born on july and my anniv is on july.. I love july the most among the months...

After all these years, i always think everything turns good on this month. Well i guess my mood affect my days and days always going smooth on july...

But Not for this year... Not july 2012, when i am 27..

Before hand, im not saying i experience lots of bad luck or unfortunate lately.. This story isnt just about me. Its about what happened and it kicked my head... Remind me that life is changing quickly...

Its been 6 months i have been working in office, something that i never imagine before seeing me stay longer than a month. In fact, i do.. And i amaze.. How good i am surviving in completely new world ( fyi, i never work in office )...

Never thought i would spend almost 9 hours 5 days a week sitting in front of papers, computer, numbers and surrounded by wall. Waking up early morning, catching up same train everyday, be there 20 mins earlier, solving the same things over and over again.. Talk for maybe less than 30 minutes of time and spend the rest of working time be silent and concentrate of what to do,,, ( dont count my break time pls, i speak like duck on my break time).. Got blame sometimes or even try to adapt to this western working style..
And amazingly again, i survive.. Hell yeah i do it..

I honestly do not think i could do all of those without my friends existence.

I make few good friends here, one of them is my primary school friend. How unbelievable life could bring us two sitting together as a team while 14 years ago we have been completely living in different continent..

Everyone of them has different characters hence it brings us together, monday to friday morning to evening as a team...

I never care how much money i have to earn or what position in workplace i have to reach, call me idealist cos i am...as long as i have good team mate and those friends to support each other, nothing else i could ask more...

And i had it a month ago, just in early of july...

Things change in weeks... And here we are, 31 july 2012

I have lost 2 good friends in our team and that made huge difference.. Worst it happened so sudden on my birthday.. I cant believe life is obviously unpredictable.. One day we still chat around, the other day they just left...

I am glad i still have two good friends now, and i hope nothing will take them away from there...

One of them ( my primary school friend )just lost her mum.. And it is a very sad moment for her. She is a very nice and kind hearted person.. She is also a cancer ( mine also ).. We joke around that this month seems hard and unfortunate for those people born in july, which is a bit true. Things are not going well for us... How i wanted to cheer them up..

My point is,

Still the same old speech what i always repeat again and again.. Life is completely huge things... People come and go.. It is unpredictable. It always Change,, not only their life, it is also my life..

I am not saying i am perfectly enjoying my life every day.. Though i always be grateful for what i have, sometimes i fail to do so. I several times blame life or make huge mistake, stupidly sweat about small thing but i try to minimize it from days to a day only.

I love myself but i love people surround me even more... I am afraid of losing people i love... And i know i could not run from the fact that one day they will leave me, physically now or forever... And i could not miss any seconds for them. I just want to make the most of it with people i love.

When i was younger, i remember i wasnt that scared of death. I know its funny but its true. What i scared more is if my mum leaves me... I mean you know... I had a dream one night i saw my parents passed away and i woke up crying.. That is what i called pain.

Why pain? I dont know something with physical pain never make me hurt that much. Loosing, mean words, unloved, and arguing are the true pain for me.

I am a big girl, but with a very soft and weak heart.

I am lucky enough that people i love still alive. I cherish that. Though not everyday i speak with my mum, but when i call her or skype with her i try to make her happy, let her know i am okay. Dont you worry about me. And show her how much i care and love her.

Call me corny, but i say i love you everyday to my husband cos i mean it and i want him to know that i truly love him. I do not want myself be too late to say it. I want to live with no regret.

I might be not a type of friend who can see or meet you oftenly. But i make the most whenever i catch up with them. I try to bring happiness, support, love and care for them.. And i do.. That is the only thing i could give as a friend, nothing else...

I am sorry i talk too much.. I just want to remind people and myself that never stop loving your loved one... Life is short sometimes, never regret your life.

For you, who know me well. U know i truly care and i will always cherish our good " destiny" ( hao ying yen) ....

Be happy, be grateful....

Until we meet again... :)

I love you jazz...

Jazz... I cant describe how much i love jazz.. It is unexplainable.. Its purely a love to a music, like you do to ur music.. I I just simply love jazz...

Im a very devoted person.. When i fall in love to one thing, i will love it for quite a long time. Its hard for me to love a thing though, once i do, i am entirely into it. Besides traveling, jazz is other interest that i love. I simply love it but it doesn't mean i have to be surrounded by it everyday. Im quite open with music. I also love r n b soul type of music, not much into rock or classic. Again, by saying i love jazz does not mean i have to listen to jazz every single day.. But when i am into jazz, i am all happy and it feels like endless happiness. I know u guys start to get confused, start questioning whats good about jazz..well dont worry, u are not the only one.. 8 out from 10 people i met and i know, always questioning the same thing. Including tony, he cant ever figure it out.. 

I start to love jazz when i was 15, from local radio station. Jazz is not big or popular in my country, nor australia. I dont know why it took me to the deepest part in my heart. Some people say jazz has no rhythm, unpredictable, up and down and boring or saddening..sounds frustrate.. Its not entirely wrong, i mean yes it sounds depressing sometimes, but depends on which jazz you are talking about. There are lots of genre of jazz, i am not the expert but i love pure classic jazz the most. It contains piano, slow saxophone and bass. Thats it. Adding a deep sexy low vocal, this music is extremely charming.. I dont like swing or bosanova jazz with lots of loud saxophone, i found it quiet annoying music. I enjoy slow jazz, with or without vocalist. Name one which quiet popular diana krall..

People may say your music reflects you, is it true? That means i am unpredictable, depressing and sad.. Well tht might be not true at all. My passion to my music comes from heart and not what i am.. I love jazz cos it brings me happiness, and boost. Things that happen if you love your hobby. My dream still, i want to have a romantic dinner with jazz music as background. I know it may be will not come true considering we are both vegie and not much ( even none) supporting restaurant like i wish for. Whenever i enter a cafe or place where they put jazz music in the background, life seems better. I remember the most when i was traveling in west europe, i was listening to jazz on the bus looking out the window, a beautiful view of europe and it was winter and cloudy. That feeling of happiness, that romantic feeling, that strong memory, remains and will always remain in my heart.

When i was both sad, stress and happy, jazz will be the one who keep me company, in their own way, they are exploring my whole mind and heart, ease my pain, ease my stress and bring back my confidence. Again, im pretty sure you will find my story boring and exaggerate.. I dont blame you, i consider my self lucky for having music in my life. Not like pop, kpop, rock or r n b.. Jazz is less popular, and not much fans i think. However i know jazz lover is damn loyal and forever stick to it. And when they talk about it, it is deep talk. Not saying its a sophisticated music, its more to soul music, where people dig deeper to this music, it keep transforming, its restless... Its jazz...

I think i better stop writing how much i love jazz...i dont want to make you guys bored, really..lol I believe you also have your own fave music..i respect all kind of music in this world.. Music is soul words come from heart and mind...

Music is the soul that can be heard by the universe.

Cen xi ing yen

People come and go..you might be one of people who ever come in to my life or you might be the one that had leave me, both phsycally and mentally.

My mum often tells us to spend most of the time that we have with the loved one, cause sooner or later we will no longer be together. One of us will eventually leave the world

Back then i used to argued with my siblings, or with my parents. It's stupid but when I was little, I just like to argue over silly things. Everytime i finished arguing i would be emotionally saying mean words such as asking them to leave me, or i want to move out from home, or simply like i hate this family. Sometimes i complaint to my mum how bad my siblings were or how annoying they were, i just want to leave them and was hoping i was the only child. Then she would say that our family are not forever lasted, one day i will choose my own path, she will leave the world ( u know what it means), we all will be separated one of another. when that day comes, you probably regret everything you ever thought about disliking your family.


I might be the one who left people in my life, physically i mean. I am far away from my home, my friends, and my relatives. Not that i want to, it was happened to be...

I was 13 when for the first time in my life i have to leave home to penang for study. That was during a riot 1998. My parents decided to send me n my sis away from home. I was 13 and i was too young to be alone. I cried and i cried i left my family, my grandma and my friends. I dont understand why i have to face such a new life out there without knowing anything. I wasnt ready, even i still have my sis. I cried when i was just arriving penang, also when i had to go back home to indo after 6months. Crazy, i know, i shud be happy when i was going home, however i was not. I was settling down for months tried so hard to enjoy my life in penang, just having bunch of new good friends and then my mum forced me to home. Again, i cried i didnt want to leave penang.

When i grow older, its a high school time where we all graduated and everyone had chosen their own path. I was sad on graduation day not mentioning education but friends, my friends since i was very little ( i went to the same school for 14 years)... I was happy the fact we all grown up, we graduated but i screamed indeed that i didnt want any change in my life. I still want to have the same activity, i want my friends who know me well, i want to see them 5days a week, i dont want to have new friend, new class, new uni and new environment. I was crying again inside..

Then my uni life was okay i mean it was not as scary as i thought it would be. Still, i always miss those high school moments and friend. It was different in uni and school. In high school u guys will see each other every day, every month til years. In uni, every classes have different people, and that means new friends and new friends. I am not saying i dont like to socialize and having new friend, cos i do, i have new friends then becoming my close friends. It just me, i just dont like any change happened.

When i started to work for the first time (i was 19), i really want to go back to my school life. Working life is sucks, its real and its hard. It is still hard whenever i have a new job with new people, new place, i am always worried and scared, again i dont like any change...

I was 23 when i came here to study, again, i left my parents, my brother, my friends, my relatives and my students and workmates... I dont know if my teacher friend notice of that time or not, but i dropped tears when i was watching my kids dancing...i soon realized shit i am gonna leave all of them..all of them... Leaving everything i have here and starting new life there.,, with zero...

as soon as i was ready to go to airport, my tears just wouldnt stop running..I cried like a baby, again, the fact that tomorrow would never be the same. There wont be me having a breakfast together in dining room, there wont be me coming to workplace, there wont be me catching up every weekend with my best friends. And there wont be any more life story in jakarta. Sounds scary? It was for me that time, and of course not anymore now,,

It has been almost 4 years i am here, my life has changed since then, i am married to my soulmate, i have a good life, i am mentally and physically happy. Life is great. I have grown up. I passed those childish life and leaving period and i learnt a lot.

I came here, i have new friends, and old friends remain the same. I might be different and far away in distance, yet my heart, my memory is still the same me..

My brother one day put his status mentioning that he wish that i were still there at home. I was worried then i asked an explanation..it was not a big things but its important to us, as a family. What i try to say is, for him to say something about me is huge. I remember he used to spend his time with his friends, sometimes i think he loves them more than us. He said his life has changed since we left home.
As i told u before wht my mum always said that magic words is true. When we are together, often time we dont appriciate what we have, and when people is gone we regret and its too late. When we were still at home we argued a lot, jealous with each other, and he sometimes tried to embarrased me..but look now, we even understand each other even more, we discuss things, and try to support each other as a family. That proves a theory, we often times dont realize how much that people means to us, til they left us or they are away.

I totally understand now, mum is right... I will never have childhood life anymore, i will never have a chance being her lil daughter, its all past. We should make the most of it, spend your quality time with your family and person you loved. One time u see them, another time they leave..it is all natural.. People come and go,,,,


My grandmas might had leave me but her position is irreplaceable in my life. I may be away from home but my heart is still with them... My friends are come and go in my life, but i remain the same, i value the old friends and welcome the new friend..Time is always moving, life is moving on....

i appriciate even more every single day as much as i can. I spend happy time with most people i see, live, and worked with... I try to do the best and never look back. I might leave u, but i never forget you...I might be not a best person whoever cross your mind, but believe it or not i tried to make the most of the time we had.. Family, husband, friends and relatives....

For those people who still could have time together with the family, be grateful and be happy, enjoy it and whatever happens to u and ur loved one, cen xi ing yen...no matter what, life is goin on, u will always miss them..

People come and go,,,so do you,,,so do i,,,make the most of it people...

I love traveling, how about u?

What is your interest? What is your favorite? What things can make u extremely happy? What is your motivation, things that somehow booze your energy and mood. Something that leads u to work harder and harder...Have u ever think about all of those question in your life? As this does not refer to a person.. But a hobby, or a favorite even a collection. . 
Whatever it is, i support and respect your personal interest. It does exist in me. My whole life is inspired by it. 

Perhaps ur motivation is money, u just happy to make money as much as u can,, or u like to do shopping, which some of my friends do.. They spend lots for shopping, they enjoy it, they love it and that is their satisfaction. Some people love toys anime and game kind of that, they play game almost everyday, visit shop all the time and they just love it.. And what is mine? Im pretty sure half of people in this earth have the same interest as mine, TRAVELING..

I  love traveling more than anything. Growing up with parent who love to travel and open mind.i even wish i could be a tour guide (not anymore since being a tourist is much more fun than become a guide, lol)...i am addicted to traveling esp overseas.  No offense but i just find country other than indo is more interesting. 

Everyone has their own reason behind their love to hobby, for myself i find it as everything of my life. Deep and kinda silly yet its true. I never really realize back then when i was still back home.. Most the time i always travel with my family or friends. These time i travel quiet a lot by myself, and my husband..

I am not a backpacker, i honestly cant stay in backpacker motel and carrying those big bag behind, jump to a city to another city without fixed plan and just go whenever they want . I consider myself as a average traveller. Meaning, i like to plan my own destination, buy my own accommodation n transportation, do some research about city that i will visit, how to get there and what to eat (though it doesn't really matter since i only eat veggies), and i like to hold a map, and walking around according to the map. Take my time, without being rushed and the thing is .. I totally enjoy my holiday... 
It gives me months of happiness, from the day i buy plane ticket, then planning, then researching, coming up is the d day, and at the end of my journey, the memory remain still. So can you imagine why i say traveling is like apart of my life. When i come back from one journey, then i will plan another one, and go on, go on and so on....
Traveling is my life....

I dont spend money on clothes, bags, shoes, fragrances, Electronics, and drink. However i quiet save a lot for holiday. It is like a treatment for being such a hardworking days. It gives me motivation to save more money, boost my mood for heading the days and lots happiness i ever feel..

I can say 2011 is my year...i go out a lot more than i ever done and i never expected. That is because my tony's new job and also my job schedule is pretty flexible to get out from or when my family paid a visit....
I sometimes spend the weekend to city that tony has to work in, i took leaves lots of time and that is a sacrifice for what i love doing.. While he's working, i take my time walking around the city, exploring a bit, not too far though as i dont drive... I enjoy every single moment i can... Even tough i  find some cities are quiet boring T.T...lol
As i take an advantage from his working time ( and also accommodation are provided) , i find myself lucky this year. First of all, i spend my holiday away from home...second is i love to do it..then somehow i always can take off day and leaving the city...and last but not least its only happen lots last year..

As this 2012 i only will travel 3-4 times, as my new job will not allow me to have more off... But still i feel lucky.. Life is fair..when i dont work much hours last year, i was given spare time to enjoy the life. And when i need to earn more money, here i am in 2012 i have to work super hard as i wont have much leaves ahead...

my point is..try to enjoy the moment and time that u have regardless....spend quality thing that u like with the one u love... Make the most of it...and if ur time is limited due to ur job or ur activity, always at least look forward that one day the day will come and u may have plenty of time doing what u love.. People say work hard play hard...

I always believe that our life is unpredictable, it may ends tomorrow or not at all. I support everyone who live their life positively and happily without any regret.  Make the most of it people..u all deserve to be happy....