Happy new year 2015

Happy new year 2015 people..

What is on your bucket list? More Adventure  ?  More travelling? Buy a house or car? Have a tattoo maybe? What ever it is, just do it man... Life is definitely too short..

I always make lists to do every year, i usually go with what i want to gain and pursue. Where i want to go for holiday this year. I want to be wiser and a better person and so on.

Every year pretty much the same, i start fresh, try to stick to my idea, be positive and try to be on diet. Unfortunately, they only last for a month, if lucky maybe couple months. I go back to my junk food, i delay some plans because i feel lazy, same excuse every single year.

Its not easy i guess to be a 'better me' than last year. But that is fine, i mean at least i have tried, right.

Looking at year 2015, i make a bit of changes.. Seriously with so many bad things happen in 2014, i just want to enjoy my life. I did not really have a long list, i just want one thing : make the most of being alive..

So here are they:
I want to be there for someone when they need me.
I'll listen to you when you need to spit your anger, sadness and worries out..
I will give you laugh, love, and support..
I will talk and give advise when you call me on my mobile, or when u message..
I will cherish our friendship, talk about silly things we did when we were young..

This applies to my husband, family, relatives, friends and even strangers ( nice one yeah not a weirdo one)

So people, lets make the most of you time in 2015 and enjoy it :)

Life is too short, we dont want to regret anything... Cheers

Happy new year.
Awei.

A letter for a friend

O jeez, its been a year and half i haven't visited my own blog. Yep, my own blog.

I wanted to go to park initially, but its raining right now... So here i am in front of my tablet, trying to type something.

Just a quick update, i am back in Sydney... Hell yeah i am in Sydney. ( and tony too of course). Perth is great but not quite a home yet to us. We decided to settle back here after taking 3 months work contract in canberra.

we still live in the same place, same neighbourhood and lucky me, i even get my previous job back ..

Me and tony are still enjoying travel, we just got return from our 4 weeks states trip. We are looking forward to our next holiday on April.

So what brought me here today?

I just went back from lunch with my friend from uni. We have been friend since first year of uni, in 2008. We catch up sometime after graduated once or twice a year. Sometimes we just message each other to see how things are going. We probably are not a close friend but we get along very well. We share same interest, same thinking and most importantly we are simply honest to each other.  You know sometime there is a kind of friendship for years or decade where during those time you are not totally honest to each other. It does happen to me. I am not saying we are faking our feeling. Not its not. Im talking about maybe there is one moment you just got lost during your conversation, or awkward moment or even you tend to lie a bit to your friend. Some of friend may go out with your other friend without telling you even-though you all are in a same group of friend.

I may not see her often or talk to her that much, but she is one kind of friend where i just can tell her anything without being embarrassed, simply just being myself. There is hardly an awkward gap between us, both of us just talk and talk. I believe you also have a kind of this friend.

She is a positive thinking person, probably she is the most positive person amongst my friend. 3 years ago she told me she has cancer. She went for surgery and chemo. I didn't have a chance to meet her after her chemo. Almost a year after she was recovering and we met up. she lost her weight and hairs, i was sad at that moment but then the feeling was gone, She did not show any signs of her sickness, she was cheerful, positive and happy. Then around 10 months after, her cancer was back, they found it during medical check up.  She had to go through chemo and all of those surgery. We then met up again early this year. Again, i was surprised how positive she was, we were still laughing over silly stuff, planning for our holiday trip kinda thing ( she started travel often once she was diagnosed). She said she is getting better but doctor said could not guarantee if the cancer will no longer come back.

Today we had lunch together, she told me she has booked usa trip for mid dec so we just talked about states and recommending her places to go and to do. I was happy for her upcoming trip but it does not last long. She then told me just a week ago they found the lump again. My heart sinked. She said she wont do any chemo,  its too painful and doesn't guarantee her cancer is gone. You should see how positive she is,  she is so brave and strong. I cant even dare to think further. My mind went blank. I felt like crying inside but i know i cant do that. She is so positive and i know she doesn't want people feel sorry for her. And that is what i adore from her the most. She is the bravest and strongest person i've ever known (beside my mum). I haven't heard her in front of me complaining or blaming God, or say silly things about die etc, you know stuff that people usually do in the movie. Not her, She likes to joke around, she like the idea of more trips to do.

She inspired me more to live to the fullest every single minute i have.  No regret

I just want to share this story with you. It reminds me again and again how good my life is. I have to be more grateful, think more positive, cherish every single moment i have with loved one, bring more happiness around and keep praying. No one knows what will happen tomorrow, cherish your life. Live healthy happy and positively.

I pray for a miracle happens and i pray that she can live happily as long as she could. My love and support is always with her.

Quick update

I promise to my friend that i will keep my life updated, i mean my new journey in perth. Some of you are aware that i have moved city and some do not know yet. Yes, i have been living in Perth now, exactly 2 weeks and 2 days. Tony and i decide to move to perth as he got a very good job offer there. I support him and i wouldn't mind having adventure so here we are..

I have to say leaving Sydney is one of biggest decision in my life. I have had most of everything in sydney for these 5 years. home, family, job, good friends, and entertainment. Oh importantly the suburb i live in is the best place to live in sydney ( i guess ).. I simply love my neighbourhood and i thought i would never find a perfect neighbourhood like One..

I came here as student, studied then get married, work and so on. A normal life cycle , but it has never been better.. Sydney has been part of my life.. I even never miss Jakarta that much (except for my family and friends ) but seriously i will always miss sydney..

Sydney has given me much, it taught me to be stronger, to be mature, to be reliable and to grow up quicker. Sydney has brought me to closer family members, closer friends and it brought me to tony...

I never think too much what it will be like to be in Perth, i was thinking it is still Australia so there should be not much difference. Well, It does and it does not.

As a city and its life.. Perth is a modern city with less number of people, people are friendly and polite... the city itself give you a very homely feeling... It is quiet in most of suburb, cleaner, park everywhere, u can find lots of nice estates..Public transport here are clean, pretty punctual for time schedule . However it operates frequently less especially on weekends. People usually drive, oh good thing you don't have to pay toll / highway fee. Traffic is less, only peak hours are bad .. Weather is a bit extreme. Say summer it reaches 40 in daytime then drop to 20 in night.

what i admire most about Perth is the place / suburbs i visited mostly are clean and organised. i am not quite sure is it maybe because i live in southern suburbs ? But its not, i went to some areas and its all nice and clean. Not like Sydney half of the suburbs are pretty scary and dangerous.

I am lucky enough i live in good neighbourhood in perth. I never feel like to go to city when i am here ( despite of work i need to go)... House are relatively cheaper than sydney too. O plus point u can find a nice big park in each estate / suburb.

I have to admit i was quite moody few times in early week, i bragged how i miss sydney and complaint this city is too quiet for me. But now i do enjoy the peacefulness and start to adore each part of perth. Tony enjoys living here since the first day.

The only thing i cant adapt yet is the hot weather, as i am more winter cold person.

I found the asian groceries here are relatively pricey than sydney. I assume sydney has more shops so the have to smash the price lower.

I heard from people saying find a job in perth is easier than other city. I am not quite sure too, but it might be true , i found more opportunity in hospitality field.

Right, i have started to work since this week. I chose to work in hospitality, if thing gets better and as per plan,
I'll do more management hospitality.

I started to enjoy my days, i suppose once i get back to work i feel more alive.. I also started to have new friends
(not much Indo's so far). My housemates are both taiwanese and they are very nice.

What else?

I guess i could only tell you this much...

I promise i will bring up more stories next time... ;)

You guys take care.....!!!!

We are young

2012 has gone and i realise clock is ticking even faster... Its 2013 now, the third month of the year .. Hey im getting older...

I wasn't that aware couple months ago but when i looked at bathroom mirror one day, i know i am getting older..

I can see wrinkle next to my lip, darker circle below my eyes.. And the color of my skin is not as bright as i used to have..

I have to admit, i always think i am just over 20ish something. Reason is asian here does look younger than their age. People mostly think i am a uni student and i love the feeling they think so.. Sometimes i proud to say i am 28 hey when they guess i am 23 or 24. Well, thats why i like to dress casually shorts t shirt and sneakers..

In fact i never think how mature i am or how old i am now cos i enjoy my life too much... Its true.. And o please do feel that you are young..

Its kinda bad bcos of that, i tend to buy teenager stuff, lets say i bought baby g watch still ( o my god isn't it) , i bought a very cute backpack recently ( damn high school bag).. And so on so on..

Blame me but a part of me i am still kid.. (i love kids)

Back to clock is ticking quicker, i also realise that my parents are getting old... My parents recently were visiting us here, and my dad looks pale and tired.

Well everyone will be in that stage, no one is eternally young...

I look at my mum and i feel deeply sad.. She has been working hard for the whole decades.. She is still... Her hair is getting little, her wrinkles is obvious and her leg is getting weak..

I cant describe how do i feel but it made me respect her even more..

Good way, they are taking their life more relax now. They travel a lot for the past few years.. They know, time is ticking and that is what mum teach me.. Do what u want do what u like while u still can...

And i do mum.. I always remember what u say to me..

Im still young and i will cherish every moment i have, i will travel as much as i can.. Will Work hard save money and enjoy life...taking care of myself too.

Happy "young" day people ...!!

Blogs

When i look at my blog, i realise how rare i write compare with other's.. How impressed i am when i found few blogs owned by my friends and theirs are really good one. Not only stories about their life but also whats been happening with world and surround.. I am indeed a big fan of theirs blog.

My belief is what you write reflects what you are. Oftentimes you think you know this people well but not until u read their blog. Funny when you may feel you know this person by reading their writing even tough you dont know who they are exactly. By writing you express more emotions, honesty, sadness, depression, anger, hatred, happiness, excitement than you ever could do verbally.

I personally like to write. I have been writing letters for my friends since i was little, i love to and still love to write a bday card or christmas card. I wrote few poems but not anymore as i found its a bit hard. I used to love write for tony. I just love writing. I know i dont write blog frequently. I wanted to and i had ideas in my mind about what to write but somehow when i was about to write it stucked and ended up not finishing the whole story. I had more drafts than blog posted, ad a result of my lazziness.

I admire people's writing especially person i know. I am not a big fan of books but when i am in a mood, i could spend my days sitting at library and read. I dont read at home as i find too much distraction. I tried read at park but i cant concentrate on what i read. I rather do small jog or walk and listening music at park.

Oo sory back to writing,
Recently i find friends' status at facebook a bit exaggerate. few friends seems to swear over their status. One or two times for me is fine, but hey why i kept seeing this person blames the world all the time. Uups now i remember i was also doing that few years ago.. And?? Gotcha friends think i was pathetic and i was not cool.

Yap, meaning for everything you write and upload in internet make you huge different. People dont want and dont care who you are they care what you just saying on the net. Worse thing happened you can loose your job, your friend and your loved one all because of your blogs.

I dont want to scare you but its true, we never think how far these blogs bring us to readers. If your blog is good people adore you, they visit your site to check on the newest story.

For myself, writing is the other way to show how and what i feel and think about something. I dont expect people to agree or read my blog however i will be glad if there's someone enjoy my writing.

I will try to put more ideas in my next blogs and hope you do enjoy it.

Until we meet again, take care...

Just before july ends,,,

I came up with an idea just 4 hours before august comes..

Yes it is officialy still july.. And i want to write something, well maybe more about self learning for what have been happening along this month...

I love july a lot as i was born on july and my anniv is on july.. I love july the most among the months...

After all these years, i always think everything turns good on this month. Well i guess my mood affect my days and days always going smooth on july...

But Not for this year... Not july 2012, when i am 27..

Before hand, im not saying i experience lots of bad luck or unfortunate lately.. This story isnt just about me. Its about what happened and it kicked my head... Remind me that life is changing quickly...

Its been 6 months i have been working in office, something that i never imagine before seeing me stay longer than a month. In fact, i do.. And i amaze.. How good i am surviving in completely new world ( fyi, i never work in office )...

Never thought i would spend almost 9 hours 5 days a week sitting in front of papers, computer, numbers and surrounded by wall. Waking up early morning, catching up same train everyday, be there 20 mins earlier, solving the same things over and over again.. Talk for maybe less than 30 minutes of time and spend the rest of working time be silent and concentrate of what to do,,, ( dont count my break time pls, i speak like duck on my break time).. Got blame sometimes or even try to adapt to this western working style..
And amazingly again, i survive.. Hell yeah i do it..

I honestly do not think i could do all of those without my friends existence.

I make few good friends here, one of them is my primary school friend. How unbelievable life could bring us two sitting together as a team while 14 years ago we have been completely living in different continent..

Everyone of them has different characters hence it brings us together, monday to friday morning to evening as a team...

I never care how much money i have to earn or what position in workplace i have to reach, call me idealist cos i am...as long as i have good team mate and those friends to support each other, nothing else i could ask more...

And i had it a month ago, just in early of july...

Things change in weeks... And here we are, 31 july 2012

I have lost 2 good friends in our team and that made huge difference.. Worst it happened so sudden on my birthday.. I cant believe life is obviously unpredictable.. One day we still chat around, the other day they just left...

I am glad i still have two good friends now, and i hope nothing will take them away from there...

One of them ( my primary school friend )just lost her mum.. And it is a very sad moment for her. She is a very nice and kind hearted person.. She is also a cancer ( mine also ).. We joke around that this month seems hard and unfortunate for those people born in july, which is a bit true. Things are not going well for us... How i wanted to cheer them up..

My point is,

Still the same old speech what i always repeat again and again.. Life is completely huge things... People come and go.. It is unpredictable. It always Change,, not only their life, it is also my life..

I am not saying i am perfectly enjoying my life every day.. Though i always be grateful for what i have, sometimes i fail to do so. I several times blame life or make huge mistake, stupidly sweat about small thing but i try to minimize it from days to a day only.

I love myself but i love people surround me even more... I am afraid of losing people i love... And i know i could not run from the fact that one day they will leave me, physically now or forever... And i could not miss any seconds for them. I just want to make the most of it with people i love.

When i was younger, i remember i wasnt that scared of death. I know its funny but its true. What i scared more is if my mum leaves me... I mean you know... I had a dream one night i saw my parents passed away and i woke up crying.. That is what i called pain.

Why pain? I dont know something with physical pain never make me hurt that much. Loosing, mean words, unloved, and arguing are the true pain for me.

I am a big girl, but with a very soft and weak heart.

I am lucky enough that people i love still alive. I cherish that. Though not everyday i speak with my mum, but when i call her or skype with her i try to make her happy, let her know i am okay. Dont you worry about me. And show her how much i care and love her.

Call me corny, but i say i love you everyday to my husband cos i mean it and i want him to know that i truly love him. I do not want myself be too late to say it. I want to live with no regret.

I might be not a type of friend who can see or meet you oftenly. But i make the most whenever i catch up with them. I try to bring happiness, support, love and care for them.. And i do.. That is the only thing i could give as a friend, nothing else...

I am sorry i talk too much.. I just want to remind people and myself that never stop loving your loved one... Life is short sometimes, never regret your life.

For you, who know me well. U know i truly care and i will always cherish our good " destiny" ( hao ying yen) ....

Be happy, be grateful....

Until we meet again... :)

I love you jazz...

Jazz... I cant describe how much i love jazz.. It is unexplainable.. Its purely a love to a music, like you do to ur music.. I I just simply love jazz...

Im a very devoted person.. When i fall in love to one thing, i will love it for quite a long time. Its hard for me to love a thing though, once i do, i am entirely into it. Besides traveling, jazz is other interest that i love. I simply love it but it doesn't mean i have to be surrounded by it everyday. Im quite open with music. I also love r n b soul type of music, not much into rock or classic. Again, by saying i love jazz does not mean i have to listen to jazz every single day.. But when i am into jazz, i am all happy and it feels like endless happiness. I know u guys start to get confused, start questioning whats good about jazz..well dont worry, u are not the only one.. 8 out from 10 people i met and i know, always questioning the same thing. Including tony, he cant ever figure it out.. 

I start to love jazz when i was 15, from local radio station. Jazz is not big or popular in my country, nor australia. I dont know why it took me to the deepest part in my heart. Some people say jazz has no rhythm, unpredictable, up and down and boring or saddening..sounds frustrate.. Its not entirely wrong, i mean yes it sounds depressing sometimes, but depends on which jazz you are talking about. There are lots of genre of jazz, i am not the expert but i love pure classic jazz the most. It contains piano, slow saxophone and bass. Thats it. Adding a deep sexy low vocal, this music is extremely charming.. I dont like swing or bosanova jazz with lots of loud saxophone, i found it quiet annoying music. I enjoy slow jazz, with or without vocalist. Name one which quiet popular diana krall..

People may say your music reflects you, is it true? That means i am unpredictable, depressing and sad.. Well tht might be not true at all. My passion to my music comes from heart and not what i am.. I love jazz cos it brings me happiness, and boost. Things that happen if you love your hobby. My dream still, i want to have a romantic dinner with jazz music as background. I know it may be will not come true considering we are both vegie and not much ( even none) supporting restaurant like i wish for. Whenever i enter a cafe or place where they put jazz music in the background, life seems better. I remember the most when i was traveling in west europe, i was listening to jazz on the bus looking out the window, a beautiful view of europe and it was winter and cloudy. That feeling of happiness, that romantic feeling, that strong memory, remains and will always remain in my heart.

When i was both sad, stress and happy, jazz will be the one who keep me company, in their own way, they are exploring my whole mind and heart, ease my pain, ease my stress and bring back my confidence. Again, im pretty sure you will find my story boring and exaggerate.. I dont blame you, i consider my self lucky for having music in my life. Not like pop, kpop, rock or r n b.. Jazz is less popular, and not much fans i think. However i know jazz lover is damn loyal and forever stick to it. And when they talk about it, it is deep talk. Not saying its a sophisticated music, its more to soul music, where people dig deeper to this music, it keep transforming, its restless... Its jazz...

I think i better stop writing how much i love jazz...i dont want to make you guys bored, really..lol I believe you also have your own fave music..i respect all kind of music in this world.. Music is soul words come from heart and mind...

Music is the soul that can be heard by the universe.

Cen xi ing yen

People come and go..you might be one of people who ever come in to my life or you might be the one that had leave me, both phsycally and mentally.

My mum often tells us to spend most of the time that we have with the loved one, cause sooner or later we will no longer be together. One of us will eventually leave the world

Back then i used to argued with my siblings, or with my parents. It's stupid but when I was little, I just like to argue over silly things. Everytime i finished arguing i would be emotionally saying mean words such as asking them to leave me, or i want to move out from home, or simply like i hate this family. Sometimes i complaint to my mum how bad my siblings were or how annoying they were, i just want to leave them and was hoping i was the only child. Then she would say that our family are not forever lasted, one day i will choose my own path, she will leave the world ( u know what it means), we all will be separated one of another. when that day comes, you probably regret everything you ever thought about disliking your family.


I might be the one who left people in my life, physically i mean. I am far away from my home, my friends, and my relatives. Not that i want to, it was happened to be...

I was 13 when for the first time in my life i have to leave home to penang for study. That was during a riot 1998. My parents decided to send me n my sis away from home. I was 13 and i was too young to be alone. I cried and i cried i left my family, my grandma and my friends. I dont understand why i have to face such a new life out there without knowing anything. I wasnt ready, even i still have my sis. I cried when i was just arriving penang, also when i had to go back home to indo after 6months. Crazy, i know, i shud be happy when i was going home, however i was not. I was settling down for months tried so hard to enjoy my life in penang, just having bunch of new good friends and then my mum forced me to home. Again, i cried i didnt want to leave penang.

When i grow older, its a high school time where we all graduated and everyone had chosen their own path. I was sad on graduation day not mentioning education but friends, my friends since i was very little ( i went to the same school for 14 years)... I was happy the fact we all grown up, we graduated but i screamed indeed that i didnt want any change in my life. I still want to have the same activity, i want my friends who know me well, i want to see them 5days a week, i dont want to have new friend, new class, new uni and new environment. I was crying again inside..

Then my uni life was okay i mean it was not as scary as i thought it would be. Still, i always miss those high school moments and friend. It was different in uni and school. In high school u guys will see each other every day, every month til years. In uni, every classes have different people, and that means new friends and new friends. I am not saying i dont like to socialize and having new friend, cos i do, i have new friends then becoming my close friends. It just me, i just dont like any change happened.

When i started to work for the first time (i was 19), i really want to go back to my school life. Working life is sucks, its real and its hard. It is still hard whenever i have a new job with new people, new place, i am always worried and scared, again i dont like any change...

I was 23 when i came here to study, again, i left my parents, my brother, my friends, my relatives and my students and workmates... I dont know if my teacher friend notice of that time or not, but i dropped tears when i was watching my kids dancing...i soon realized shit i am gonna leave all of them..all of them... Leaving everything i have here and starting new life there.,, with zero...

as soon as i was ready to go to airport, my tears just wouldnt stop running..I cried like a baby, again, the fact that tomorrow would never be the same. There wont be me having a breakfast together in dining room, there wont be me coming to workplace, there wont be me catching up every weekend with my best friends. And there wont be any more life story in jakarta. Sounds scary? It was for me that time, and of course not anymore now,,

It has been almost 4 years i am here, my life has changed since then, i am married to my soulmate, i have a good life, i am mentally and physically happy. Life is great. I have grown up. I passed those childish life and leaving period and i learnt a lot.

I came here, i have new friends, and old friends remain the same. I might be different and far away in distance, yet my heart, my memory is still the same me..

My brother one day put his status mentioning that he wish that i were still there at home. I was worried then i asked an explanation..it was not a big things but its important to us, as a family. What i try to say is, for him to say something about me is huge. I remember he used to spend his time with his friends, sometimes i think he loves them more than us. He said his life has changed since we left home.
As i told u before wht my mum always said that magic words is true. When we are together, often time we dont appriciate what we have, and when people is gone we regret and its too late. When we were still at home we argued a lot, jealous with each other, and he sometimes tried to embarrased me..but look now, we even understand each other even more, we discuss things, and try to support each other as a family. That proves a theory, we often times dont realize how much that people means to us, til they left us or they are away.

I totally understand now, mum is right... I will never have childhood life anymore, i will never have a chance being her lil daughter, its all past. We should make the most of it, spend your quality time with your family and person you loved. One time u see them, another time they leave..it is all natural.. People come and go,,,,


My grandmas might had leave me but her position is irreplaceable in my life. I may be away from home but my heart is still with them... My friends are come and go in my life, but i remain the same, i value the old friends and welcome the new friend..Time is always moving, life is moving on....

i appriciate even more every single day as much as i can. I spend happy time with most people i see, live, and worked with... I try to do the best and never look back. I might leave u, but i never forget you...I might be not a best person whoever cross your mind, but believe it or not i tried to make the most of the time we had.. Family, husband, friends and relatives....

For those people who still could have time together with the family, be grateful and be happy, enjoy it and whatever happens to u and ur loved one, cen xi ing yen...no matter what, life is goin on, u will always miss them..

People come and go,,,so do you,,,so do i,,,make the most of it people...

I love traveling, how about u?

What is your interest? What is your favorite? What things can make u extremely happy? What is your motivation, things that somehow booze your energy and mood. Something that leads u to work harder and harder...Have u ever think about all of those question in your life? As this does not refer to a person.. But a hobby, or a favorite even a collection. . 
Whatever it is, i support and respect your personal interest. It does exist in me. My whole life is inspired by it. 

Perhaps ur motivation is money, u just happy to make money as much as u can,, or u like to do shopping, which some of my friends do.. They spend lots for shopping, they enjoy it, they love it and that is their satisfaction. Some people love toys anime and game kind of that, they play game almost everyday, visit shop all the time and they just love it.. And what is mine? Im pretty sure half of people in this earth have the same interest as mine, TRAVELING..

I  love traveling more than anything. Growing up with parent who love to travel and open mind.i even wish i could be a tour guide (not anymore since being a tourist is much more fun than become a guide, lol)...i am addicted to traveling esp overseas.  No offense but i just find country other than indo is more interesting. 

Everyone has their own reason behind their love to hobby, for myself i find it as everything of my life. Deep and kinda silly yet its true. I never really realize back then when i was still back home.. Most the time i always travel with my family or friends. These time i travel quiet a lot by myself, and my husband..

I am not a backpacker, i honestly cant stay in backpacker motel and carrying those big bag behind, jump to a city to another city without fixed plan and just go whenever they want . I consider myself as a average traveller. Meaning, i like to plan my own destination, buy my own accommodation n transportation, do some research about city that i will visit, how to get there and what to eat (though it doesn't really matter since i only eat veggies), and i like to hold a map, and walking around according to the map. Take my time, without being rushed and the thing is .. I totally enjoy my holiday... 
It gives me months of happiness, from the day i buy plane ticket, then planning, then researching, coming up is the d day, and at the end of my journey, the memory remain still. So can you imagine why i say traveling is like apart of my life. When i come back from one journey, then i will plan another one, and go on, go on and so on....
Traveling is my life....

I dont spend money on clothes, bags, shoes, fragrances, Electronics, and drink. However i quiet save a lot for holiday. It is like a treatment for being such a hardworking days. It gives me motivation to save more money, boost my mood for heading the days and lots happiness i ever feel..

I can say 2011 is my year...i go out a lot more than i ever done and i never expected. That is because my tony's new job and also my job schedule is pretty flexible to get out from or when my family paid a visit....
I sometimes spend the weekend to city that tony has to work in, i took leaves lots of time and that is a sacrifice for what i love doing.. While he's working, i take my time walking around the city, exploring a bit, not too far though as i dont drive... I enjoy every single moment i can... Even tough i  find some cities are quiet boring T.T...lol
As i take an advantage from his working time ( and also accommodation are provided) , i find myself lucky this year. First of all, i spend my holiday away from home...second is i love to do it..then somehow i always can take off day and leaving the city...and last but not least its only happen lots last year..

As this 2012 i only will travel 3-4 times, as my new job will not allow me to have more off... But still i feel lucky.. Life is fair..when i dont work much hours last year, i was given spare time to enjoy the life. And when i need to earn more money, here i am in 2012 i have to work super hard as i wont have much leaves ahead...

my point is..try to enjoy the moment and time that u have regardless....spend quality thing that u like with the one u love... Make the most of it...and if ur time is limited due to ur job or ur activity, always at least look forward that one day the day will come and u may have plenty of time doing what u love.. People say work hard play hard...

I always believe that our life is unpredictable, it may ends tomorrow or not at all. I support everyone who live their life positively and happily without any regret.  Make the most of it people..u all deserve to be happy....

im back

There is nothing i can say but sincerely thank you to lenz, as she gives me a motivation just after i read her blog about me.

I always think my name or even myself has been barely mentioned in someone life before (excluded tony of course,lol). I know people do notice me sometimes about how do i look or how well i am to be a proper role in one situation but to bring my name into their story, its like pheew...i feel amazing.

Knowing that my story could inspire someone or my attitude might bring some positive value to someone, what can i ask for more....

I was thinking a lot around couple months ago that for some reason my friends would start to forget about me. First thing, i live far away backhome.. second thing, i dont have blackberry therefore i am no longer existed in chatting kinda thing, plus recently my friends do not appear much in msn ... third thing, even my facebook has not much comments (with thousand friend list seems like nothing) and also i rarely update my status.. even worse, sometimes my messages got no reply, neither text message or facebook message. I dont get any contact as well with few best friends..

And that made me lil' upset...

I kept thinking what is wrong with people? do they forget me? or do i do something wrong??? why do they change? so on and so on and so on..

That was months ago...not now..

Cos i started to realize..heeeyyy...life is changing, life is moving forward and faster, so do we.. then i remember.. i am 26 now.. that means most of my friends are same age.. they are adult now, some of them get married already, some of them are pursuing their career, some are still studying higher degree, some are overseas, and some are still single but happy and enjoy their life...

My points are we are different now...our life is not the same like years ago when we were still young, when we didnt have much to worry about. Back then we only care of friends, society, hang out, existence, boyfriend or girlfriend.. we hang out a lot, contact a lot, did some fool things and that time friends are forever, friends are number one, friends are everything and only.....

But now look at me, look at us... we're growing into a better person and that need huge efforts, need time, need investment.. Friend is still important but the meaning of friendship grows differently.. and that what i realize and i learn...

i learn that seeing ur friend every single day doesnt mean they are ur best friend.. for example, u go to work everyday, meeting the same workmate, doent make u a very good friend. In fact, i find these days, catch up or contact with them once in a while bring me greater meaning.. in other words, i appreciate them more. a quality time we spend with them is more important now..
For your information, myself now only catch up with friend once in a while, since im married, i put my husband as priority, (I know it had been some extreme change cos i hang out a lot before)..
Consequently, I do try to understand the same situation as well.. i now keep thinking positive that people has their priority at the moment, why dont i just respect that and we can catch up when both of us have a free time... thats winning winning situation...

I learnt that no one can beat my old fella's... please dont assume it wrong...please dont think i am so old fashion person. I am very open minded person, i can always accept people no matter what they are. It just me and friendship itself. I learn that my old best friends are the best. They have been watching me since i was still selfish, kiddo, and childish to be a grown up me.. They will never judge me (sometimes the do, lol) and stab me. They will always be themself in front of me. and i always be the same ordinary awei in front of them. yes, we dont see each other everyday, but when we do, we make the most of it. we laugh, we share, we trust and we love each other. we bring back lots of story that no one has ever remembered.. and that what i love about old friend. a very good feeling..

as i meant above that we all have different priority now, i learn to respect what they are more. I learnt that the more we grow up, the more we respect each other. at least i find it right.. i dont sweat a small thing between friends anymore. yes sometimes i may be upset but try to think the other way around. I may not always give a present but i always do support them and always open my heart for them. Maybe they do not know that what i always expect from them, is just to be listened. I dont want fancy bday present, or treated like princess, all i want is their time and their heart. and i make sure i will give the same as well..

and last but not least..i just want to say this to all my friend who may or may not read this ...that i will be always the same old person u have known from the first time.. yes we maybe not see each other often, not contact oftenly but i do put u guys in the same spot i used to keep u guys, it wont change, will remain same and safely. I love u guys...and i wish u all the happinness, the best and i hope to see u guys very soon...^^ love u all...

Awei - Education Consultant

Awei Chen (Indonesian, Hokkian, Mandarin and English Speaker education agent)

SIECS (Sydney International Education and Consultant Services)
204/379-383 Pitt Street Sydney, NSW 2000
Education Consultancy, Immigration Consultancy, and Property Consultancy.


Tel : (612) 92647924
Mobile : 0433036268
Email : awei_loh@yahoo.com
Facebook : awei_loh@yahoo.com / awei iverson (by name)


First Consultancy is free..

about good,,,

doing good things are not always going that well.. somehow, it just happens to be even worse....

i always think about what have i done? have i done good enough to be a person... i can say i am not a cold blood person, i am easily touched and cried when i meet sad situations.. however, to pronounce myself as a kind people, i think its too exagegriate....

but one thing i always know is, doing good things are important..it is absolutely taught by all religion in a world... its also bring u somehow positive energy... and doing good things do not mean by being a monk, or a priest, nor asking us to save the world... i always believe that in all human being kind,whether or not we are perfect, we always have a small part to contribute good things...

doing small things which is good seems to be easy.. let me break briefly, as a student we can do simply being a good student, dont cheat or too much lazy, try to respect our teacher as much as we can (know sometimes its hard), help our classmate who need our help and so on and on...
as a child, the simplist things are by loving our family, respect our parents, dont let our parents worry about us, do or help some house work without they ask us to, or even give our parents a massage... that is such a basic thing that we should do...
as a friend, we can always positively support them, dont take too much advantage from our friend..and so on and so on...
as a workmate, we can always help each other to get the goal, we support each other, work as a team and respect every of them (esp, junior) as equal...

but what as a human, as a individual...

lots lots of things we can always do,, i know sometimes, we're just being lazy to step out from our comfort zone...

my mum always teach me some theory about goodness...

believe it or not,,,

by doing good things or even think of positive will give us positive aura, which is in a long term it build our character and our wisdom...

by doing good it can reduce our karma, not entirely clear our karma, but it prevents bad karma / bad things happen to us... which i always believe, somehow, we are blessed from something tht we dont want to...

by doing good actually is a medicine of stress and problems. doing good comes from good mind, positive thinking.. therefore, it somehow lessen your stress and you can control your feeling to be happy...

doing good is an universal language for all human being, we dont have to interact by language with some strangers.. just smile, respect and be polite, automatically we all are friend..

forgiveness is one kind of goodness,, do u know by forgiving other people, we actually forgive ourselves.. try it, i cant tell u how it works, it has to be practical then u will understand what it means...

and last, for people like me, doing good is for fulfilling my "ego".. its a bit weird but my theory is i feel happy when i see people surround me happy. then if i help people, people will be happy and i will be happier than ever...

despite of all, even we have positive attitude to do, things are not always going as well as we hope to...

i believe u guys ever had some sort of experience like, working so hard but got blamed, tried to be neutral among friends who argued, ended up they fight each other, or when u already sacrifise ur time, energy and job, things getting even worse... and so on so on...

well, again, i believe there is always another way for us to be better.. maybe yes, i was rejected for being good, it doesnt mean anytime anywhere i will be the same. perhaps, its just not in a right time to do good... a bit disappointed sometimes, yet it gives me more things to learn...

here i share some quotations which i like, i hope u enjoy,,,^^


"People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway."
— Mother Teresa


"When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants, and murderers, and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall. Think of it...always."
— Mohandas K. Gandhi

"A good head and good heart are always a formidable combination. But when you add to that a literate tongue or pen, then you have something very special."
— Nelson Mandela

"It's the action, not the fruit of the action, that's important. You have to do the right thing. It may not be in your power, may not be in your time, that there'll be any fruit. But that doesn't mean you stop doing the right thing. You may never know what results come from your action. But if you do nothing, there will be no result."
— Mohandas K. Gandhi

"You are protected, in short, by your ability to love"
— J.K. Rowling

"When someone has been mean to you, why would you want to be good to them?' 'You wouldn't want to. That's what makes it hard. You do it anyway. Being good is hard. Much harder than being bad..
— Jeanne DuPrau

"The most basic and somehow forgettable thing is this: Love is not pain. Love is goodness. And real love--it's less shiny than solid and simple."
— Deb Caletti

"I smiled back and I thought
how incredible that was, that they would find the time to smile. There was goodness in the world still, even if you couldn’t always see it."
— Jenny Valentine

"But goodness alone is never enough. A hard, cold wisdom is required for goodness to accomplish good. Goodness without wisdom always accomplishes evil."
— Robert A. Heinlein

"Treat other people's home as you want them to respect yours because what goes around comes around."
— Ana Monnar

alone,,

There's always be a moment when u feel empty and seems like u loose ur energy, u don't feel like doing anything, everything surrounds u doesnt interest u at all, u start to think the worst scenario, and u let ur feeling control ur day...


i call it Moody and Lonely

and I hate it,,,,

as a girl, i am very sensitive person. u can tell by my zodiac, i'm cancer. a very moody person, and complicated...

i can say there will be 2-5 days in a month (exactly on PMS time) i turn out to be such a cry baby, crying without any reason, need extra attention from my husband and let my mood control my day... do i like it? Nope, in fact i hate it...

I always wonder is there anyone who get exactly the same symptomps like i have? instead of being grumpy, i am moody and more like pathetic,,,


when i get moody, i feel lonely... i still remember back then when i was teenager, i rather spent whole days locked myself in my room, doin nothing,,, I didnt talk, i didnt show my feelin to everyone at home and all i did just being lazy around, jazz songs and, drowning myself to tears..

I don't know why it happens so bad to me,,,
the fact is i am very positive person. most of the time.

but when i feel lonely, i like to put all the blames on my shoulder, and i start to cry like a baby, wishing someone comes and helps me, no one ever did though, not until now (my husband is the only one who get me)....

I always think, no one ever understand me, my habit, my "sickness" and even myself....


let me think about short description about lonely in my version,,,

lonely is a situation where u are not longer in a same condition u've had before, it slightly change and it moves ur feeling from "many" to "any",

and or when u feel u stand alone with or without people existing surround u...

a friend of mine, we have been working together for almost a year, one day i saw him and i could feel his emptiness at work, then i asked him, are u ok? he said he was ok, he was fine, but he just feel something different. I said, is it emptiness? then he said it was more like lonely.

I found lonely is deeper than emptiness. and i surely know why he said that. our workplace has been no longer fun like it used to. I know people always come and go, this time everyone seems letting go...

he felt everyone is leavin and even himself, therefore it affects everyone who cares of this small team. well i do too, i feel its not as fun as we used to be, no, Its Not fun anymore. most of my work mate loose their spirit to work, due to the managers problems and so on. They work like a corpse, sometimes they complaint (they barely complaint before) and It all affects me, I FEEL SO MUCH LONELY when i am not working with them.

this is the first description of my loneliness

i always remind myself after, no matter how low i feel or how moody i am, The fact is I am not alone. It is true... and when u feel u are alone, u are not indeed..... we have people whom love us sincerely.
I have my husband who always support me, no matter how busy he is, how tired he is after work, or how moody i am, i always know he is my loneliness' cure. Sometimes i dont want to let him know how sad i am, but i realized i was wrong, by letting him know, i feel better, cos i need his attention to pull me out from my "ownworld".. he knows that all i need is someone to simply sit beside me, hug me, and he doesnt have to say anything, because he is the only one i need...

or eventhough u are out of the town, u are overseas and u miss ur family and ur hometown, yes it is, we feel really alone...physiccaly, we are apart, but blood and love bond us with our parents. I always call my mum when i feel home sick or moody, i just need to heard her voice and i will feel better.... u dont have to let ur mum or ur dad knows how sad u are or how alone u are, cos they know it, they can feel it... thats the power of Mum and dad. Maybe some of us do not know about it, But do u know ur parents miss u more than we miss them, since we are part of their blood and soul.....

and also, nobody can replace ur best friend place,,, trust me, u feel much better knowing they care about u,,, They maybe not as close as our lover or parents or family, However, they save our life lots of time.
when u feel alone overseas, friends are forever, they fill ur life, they make the day brighter, and they help u for no reason...


Lonely and Moody are my friend,, they come often in my days, Nevertheless i have the real life here.. i always say to myself, its ok to let myself being weirdo for days, but i have to always remember, life is too way short for being a loner, cos we are not alone,,,

I love my Job

Gimme some story about work, work, and work,,,,

i believe u will give me more than i want to know...

i am myself (i have to admit) a very workaholic person.. I rather to finish all the things which has to be done, even i have to stay back and unpaid... yeah thats me,,, and i am pretty sure one of u, is exactly same with me,,,

but what about workplace it self... ur boss? ur workmates? ur salary? ur job? and ur environment?? do u like it? do u like ur job? or u just have to work for money.

ok, before we think about all of that, im gonna share a bit of mine,,,
at the moment, i work in restaurant (yeah, still)... i work everything i can, not being greedy, but i have to, since i have been working for long period, therefore it forces me to do it...but I enjoy it. I like my job. i prefer to work with a good environment though my salary is not much, rather than getting more money, but the workplace is depressing.

I know in my culture, parents hope their children to get office job,or being professional such as doctor , architect, etc and say BIG NO to HOspitality and Tourism.. They think office job is cool and hospitality job is low level, which is partly true in my country. Most people think we dont have to get high education to do hospitality, and since they spent much on our education we better shut our fuck up and do what they want us to do. am i right? or am i being too harsh?? lol...uups, im sorry, i didnt mean too, but this is what i called common point of view of my country men,,,,

I have to say My Dad was one of them. He expected me and my siblings to work "properly". and when i finished my "MAster" degree, that burden is high even more. i know my Dad paid so much for my education, and all i still do just what? working in restaurant? i know my Dad must be so upset if i say i still want to work in restaurant..i surely know he expects me to do accounting, or at least an office job. so the question is : do i???

I almost do.. I found an office job,it was part time job, a small office job i must say, doing like customer service and admin job, and i was accepted.. I just need to move my ass and come to work on the day i should come on.... However, I Rejected, I was kinda like not coming on that day. i know it sounds so crazy and stupid...i dont know as well, I am very stupid and crazy.... The fact is, looking for office job is very hard in Sydney, cos we are overseas student, english is average and no experience. I am not saying i am good or i feel cocky cos i just refused a job, NO, its not that. It just because i am still looking for my dream job that i want to do,,,, a job relates to service, hospitality and also communication. eventually i found it.

That interview just happened a day before the day i supposed to come to work in office. I knew i got a job, and i shouldnt come for any interview, yet i did.. it was a woman voice called me for interview, and she sounds so honest and kind. i decided yes i would come, and i came...

This job is similar like i do at the moment, hospitality. A cafe or catering job i guess. The thing is, as i step on the building (the cafe is inside the big building), somehow i feel so good. and when i met her (the manager), she reminds me of my previous boss in Indo when i was teaching. the whole things about the job, the place and herself, for some reason, i just feel it right. I know i cant say or i cant decide whether the job is the right job for me or not, but i am very " feeling" person. I follow my feeling and at the end i take this job. I havent started yet, so i cant tell u what exactly will happen... But the job itself is interesting, its like i will be the one who in charge for function catering for every meeting, and if there is no function i help in the cafe. I work in service area, in cafe, i can use my communication skill and also my management skill ( my customer will be TOP person) and The good things are (NOTED FOR MY DAD), i dont have to sweep the floor, wash dishes, or clean the cafe... which is Good.. at least i feel one step higher than what i do at the moment. My Mum support what i have done, she knows what exactly make me happy. and that is very important..

I just know, I am very loyal person, i am willing to workhard as long as i like the job and i always follow my feeling. and i do it...any kind of job is not important, the thing is i am HAPPY and i LOVE my JOB... all job that i ha before, i always love it. i love when i was working in pre school the most. that was my first best job...

In spite of my story, do you know there are so many good and bad stories in workplace??

we can always see some people work really hard, some are lazy. some are so loyal and reliable, and some are just so dodgy. though i am pretty young, but i experience not little... i saw heaps of people tried to butter the boss up and down, or even talk bad bout their workmates behind and pretend to be nice in front of them... i saw people argue each other and being stubborn.. being so arrogant, feeling so seniority and act not proffesional at work. some people are bludging too much.. and some managers are shit... are these people exist in your work life??

Hey, i am not judging okay.. everyone has their own bad habit, me either... i am so clean freak and clumsy and i think my workmates think im crazy. i think it is okay since everyone had mistakes,,,, we dont have to be ashamed as long as we know and we try to be better,,,

then again, sometimes i just think, why people so bother to spot other's mistakes and weakness?? why??? dont they think we all do the same, i mean we all have weaknesses and mistakes...

Again, For your information, I am not Hypocrite... I sometimes talk gossip and talk bad about people, and i admit, sometimes i am stubborn, i dont like being complaint in public... see... i admit my weakness (which i believe whoever has been working with me, they will b agree), its not a big deal.. i did mistakes, but the thing is I STILL LOve my job. I love my workmates... even sometimes i talk gossip, for GOd sake it was not completely bad one... i am type of person who will not being straightforward at work, but i always be fair. I will tell that person and of course i think i still hv the right to gossip...lol..

sometimes it just funny when people try to kick down someone by telling to everyone their mistakes... i mean cmon, we all do mistake... dont sweat such a shit thing... if people kept doing it all the time, this whole work team work bullshit thing will never ever work out... cant people just shout the mouth for a second... or if u dont like them or u know they make mistakes, STRAIGHT AWAY tell them their problems,, easy??? yes it is if u can put it in a right sentence..

and also sometimes there are some people like to order their juniors to do this and that. I mean, yes sometimes it is good when u show your leadership by doing it as well.. am i right...
which do u prefer? your manager working hard, leading u by good example or the one who always give u an order while they just sit down doing nothing but bludging.....

i can say, proudly i guess, my husband is one of good leader example, he is a type of leader who works very hard, barely order people, and get respects from all of us. It is simple, we all can do, u, me, and everyone. just work hard, show ur potentials, and people will respect u by what u do, not what u say.... plus, its not easy to find a good boss...

there are so many problems at workplace, but i want to make a conclusion...
I dont know what is yours, but mine is,,
i always love my jobs (previous and recent job) because me and my workmates are getting really well. our manager are the best, we help each other, and the most important thing is we all love our job, and we happy, therefore we create a good environment. yes we still do mistake and tease each other, but that doesnt matter, as long as we always working hard, be humble, love what u do right now and working as a team... I think that is everyone's dream job...

so, do u find your job? the job that u want to do? have u done anything for your work??? lets keep fighting and LOve your job...

Simply "Fate"

I'm counting the days to my D day,,,, FYI, i am going back soon to my country and i am having a wedding reception, exactly 10 more days from today... so here am i,,, counting the days,,,

lots of my friends in Jakarta are questioning my wedding news..well, i hope in a good way,,, not much of them know exactly how my love story is... i cant blame them, when they were like " aaah,awei how come she get married so quick, or long time not hear from u and suddenly i got ur wedding news, and so on and so on"...

even my best friends backhome are wondering how could "an awei" end up so young to marriage life? well, i can't blame them for being sarcastic, assuming i was not so "ready to get married type of person"...

ok guys, i am not here trying to explain or expose my love life...
i am ok with such lots of question from them... the thing is they are my friends and i do believe they are happy for me as i do.. and it makes sense when they are thousand miles away from me.... i don't expect we always contact each other and know what's new about them..

however, i do want to tell a bit of my happiness news for them..and im proudly say i am getting married (in fact i am already legally)... and I'm very happy...

i believe most of my friends still remember the old me, a young girl who talk less about love, marriage and having a baby... that's true... i admit it... i've never pictured myself tying a knot before 28, not until i met my husband...

i reckon myself not a corny type .. i prefer to be cool talking about love.. i never believe any true love before, however i believe on "fate"....neither me or my husband would ever think about both of us meet, fall in love and now we promise to each other in the name of love..

Answering those questions above (how come i get married fast), i would say : i think this is what they called "love and fate".
and eventually people will ask how do u know he is ur mr right, or he is the one..? then my answers are: i know it's theory and non-sense but u can feel it one day when u meet "the one". for no reason u have a strong connection,and u feel u know him before u meet him,,, u just know the day when he asks u to marry him, u will say "yes", cos u can picture urself spending the rest of ur life with him... there will be no doubt, no regret and that's what i feel...

my husband and i met early of 2010. somehow we just know we are meant to be each other. everything seems so right and perfect. my life's never been better..i never thought i would met my soulmates in sydney, never.. but i did,, he is my bestfriend, my partner, my husband, my lovers and my life..

i know it sounds so bullshit or it just me... well, u can assume that,,,its ok how people think about it,, cos i believe everyone has different story how to find their love... but mine, pretty much more like fairytale...when the time and fate comes to us, here we are,, in a real world,,

most of indo's chinese or even chinese background, they decide to get married after having more than a year (even have to be more than 2 years).. sounds like it is a rule, if u don't follow the rule, society will wonder, is the girl pregnant? or aaah they will get divorce soon cos they get married in early age, and blah, blah... are u agree? i know u are agree, cos i did when i was in Indo...

yet, nothing wrong with the rule... since that is the only reason for people of getting married, knowing each other well, and so they get married. But then again, do u know so many couples get married cos they assume they have been in relationship for so long, so marriage is the only reason to be an excuse. marriage is a must. or even have u ever heard couples have been in 5-12 years relationship and they broke up, eventually they meet new partner and decice to get married in less than a year. well people, THAT's TRUE... that's what i called FATE....

of course i am not questioning those of couples who's been in relationship for ages and they are now married. hey, i am truely happy with it, i really do. cos i know they are meant to be since they just started the relationship. i can tell they are perfect for each other by witnessing their love....

what i'm trying to say are..we never know when and why we fall in love, when we will meet our MR. right or when we will get married. for me i always believe FATE... and time is not a problem.. how long u guys been together is not a serious matter. the thing is, how they love each other and trust each other...

i have some friends whose haven't met "the one" and i know deep in their heart, they are worried.. but i always believe they will one day.. its just the matter of time... and when the time has come, bam, they will never be separated....

or eventhough, they can't find theirs, what's wrong with being single.. as long as u happy...who cares,,,,?? one of my friend admitted she is lots happier being single rather than in relationship...

i think i sounds so grumpy and try to convince everyone with my opinion,, ups... im sorry about that... not i wanted too...

to sum up, i share a bit opinion here cos i just want my friends to be happy.. that, one day when the d day comes to them. they will proudly say "i am a happy and lucky bride or groom" like i do....

happy wedding to all my friends who already got one and will have one sooner.... i love u all,, and i believe u guys will be live happily ever after...

i want them to know that i am happy now, i finally found mine, and i do wish everyone will find theirs...

do u know what is ur dream?

i guess all of us have been questioning these question over and over again? what is my dream? what do i want to do? what do i like? what will my future be?? what should i do at the moment? and what the fuck am i doing here now??

well, bang...!!! everyone does it,,, me either,, and i'm in the crossroad thinking what will i do for next year....

I am a type of person who always plan and know what to do in this life.. cos i know life is beautiful and i dont want to waste my time too much for doing nothing... i pretty much always got what i want (with lots of effort and pray of course), and by the end of the year i like to make new year resolution, though sometimes i forgot what was it....

it's december now... less than a month to year 2011..
have u think about what will u do and what is ur plan for 2011???

what have u done in 2010?
are u happy with that?
have u done what u want in 2010?
have u made yourself and people surround u proud of u??

those question.. this question... aaarghh dont u think its annoying question...???? screw me...

but then again, hey.. there's nothing wrong with that... that makes u learn to be better person next year..

let me think of myself..... about 2010...

2010 is the best year for me (definitely i can say).. i graduated my master this year. I met my husband and get married.. i'd been on holiday for a month with my families and friends. i got new job and got new company experience.... and a lot of good things.. however, i lost couple of friends this year...>.<

that's mine and how about urs???pls carefully think about it..

whatever is mine or urs.. remember, that is part of our life and whether its good or bad.. life still goes on....

at the moment all that i can think are (excitedly and nervously), my wedding reception (which is in the next 15 days..) and my christmas plan.... u know as a bride u will feel nervous and worry of this and that... i do.. and so many things to think... yet i know it will flow smooth ( thanks to my husband for understanding me a lot... )

so what am i going to do on JANUARY??

here i am, i can't picture it enough... what job should i do??
FYI, i studied accounting (stupid master title) and communication. i've been doing different field of job since i was 20.. list are teacher, media relation, restaurant job, cafe job and office job..

teaching and kids were definitely my life,,,
working in media was halfly not in to me,,, (say no to working late and smokes everywhere,,,)
restaurant and cafe job are fun, (i like it, but hey.. i have 2 stupid titles on me)...
and office job,it was soo soo sooooo not me... (spending all ur time facing computers and files and papers..???!!!???!!??? get me out of here..)

so.. what should i do?
i want to do child care but i don't have certificate or any background...(FYI, every job has to be related to educational background)...
should i go for office job?? accounting job like my parents wish me to??? or maybe i should give it a try for years, who knows i can be good for that...(but i dont waaant)

then what? what do u want AWEI????????????????????

heaps of my friends have a better job than me, and some of them are succeed, their business is good or they get promotion..
well, it doesnt matter to me, cos indeed i envy even more to those friends who love their job and they feel good at... success is an extra...

i have a friend,, he is so popular and succeed, rich i think, and the thing is, this job is his life. he loves his job so much, he finds what he wants to do.. and i am so proud of him...
that's what i'm talking.. can i be like him.. i find what i want, and i will love it...

on the other hand, i have some friends who "has to do that job", cos their education background. yes, they are getting enough money, promotion, but they are not happy.

well..again.. my mum expects me to work in office, as an accountant, get so much money, and good reputation (in our culture, office job esp accounting is highly expected for elders).. does she ever think about my truly feelings? then again, i can't blame her, somehow she is always right, she forced me to learn chinese and english since i was young (i always hate it), and now i got so many easy things in returns... and i have to thank her..

what she tried to say is, u can't always follow what u want, sometimes u have to force urself, even u hate it, for ur good sake one day,,, she used her friend as her example, yes her friend admit it she didnt even like her job at the begining, eventually she is now getting higher and higher and she is used to it, so she is happy.

on the other hand, my friend was studying computer and accounting.. she knew it's not her life, she threw everything she had and studied from zero what she likes, and now she is so popular and succeed (through very long way), and the thing is SHE IS HAPPY....

having those versions, which one should i choose.... i am in the crossroads and i have limited times (i'm 26 next year, cmon im old)...

what is my dream,,,?? I still dont know...

All i know is i love kids, i love humanity service, i love to interact with people and i love travelling...
is there any job including all my criterias....

i haven't found it yet.. not now, maybe next year...

whatever my job will be.... one thing i should know... i have to be happy... and i live with that,,, i live from happiness, people's happiness.. when i see people happy, i am happy. my dream is simply just bring happiness to people..


so..have u found what is urs???? whatever it is,, u will be happy and good at it..... keep looking and keep working......

jiayouuuuuuuuu.. be happy!!!!!!!!!!

she's my mum

Guess i pretty much wrote a lot about myself before, this time i want to write a bit about my mum.

My mum is not kind of popular mum, not even a fashionable mum, like fancy dress, spend times for saloon, pedicure, menicure or even does not have any "friends activity". Not at all...

My mum is very humble and down to earth. she dresses up casual, and she doesn't put any make up. Instead of having some "mum" activity, she works hard and a lot. u will barely see her being lazy. yeah that's her. She's my mum,.....

my mum is 51, she looks young though (some people think i am her youngest sister rather than a daughter T_T)..she is average tall, 157 cm i guess, with average weight, curly hair and and very smooth skin (for her age it is amazing skin)..

she is middle kid, with young sister and older brother. My Grandpa passed away when she was 12, and my Grandma left us 2.5 years ago. My mum never finished her junior high school, however she is really smart and no one can ever beat her. she's been working since she was 15. she likes to travel a lot a lot a lot, sometimes i think is she having too much money, or she does like to travel.

okay, get bored already??? hahahaaa.. please don't be..u will know how great she is after u finish reading it,,,

move on, she met my dad when she was 21, then got married 2 years later. they were poor at that moments (that what they reckon) and my Dad was unemployment for a year. She worked instead of my Dad, until my Dad started his business from zero. I always believe my Mum is the key point of my Dad carreer. without her support, we will never be like today.

she still worked hard even she had us...she worked more than took care of us (well she had to, considering we were poor and had kids). Me and My younger brother were raised by Nanny til we were 4 i think. my sister was raised by my Grandma. I remember those days where i was in Kindergarten, i saw everyday my friends were picked up by their parents, and i was picked up by my maid or sometimes aunty. she never did, a bit sad but i never blame her. i know exactly how busy she was and she had to raise us. i think i wasn't that close with her at that age, yet , i tried so many ridiculous things to catch her attention (pretty much the same like ADD).

well, she teaches us a lot of things. a bit strict in a way of life and manner. i had to do some requirements when i went for my first overseas trip. i was 5 that time and i had to pack my own luggage, carry or push it, go to toilet, eat and dress by myself. if i think about it, it was a bit crazy, knowing these days, it is almost possible to expect a 5 year old kid to do those things. well me and my sis did it. i become more mature faster than my friends.

whenever our family and my cousins went out, we almost all the time behave well. we never jumped on people's sova, bed, taking someone's toys, yelling or crying loud. if we did, my mum would kick our ass i think as soon as we got in a car. and i feel thanking her for that, for raising us to be a good kid.

However, when i grew older, in my teenage years. i became very emotional person. that's when i (ever) hate being part of family. i admit i was so silly and dumb ass back then, well, everyone was, wasn't it??

i started to think that my mum never really love me (i was such an asshole that time). i always felt i was the least child to be loved. i spent most of my days at school, with friends and went home late. or sometimes we just met each other when we had dinner. i started to be jealous of my Brother. whenever he was hungry in late night, she would go to kitchen and cooked for him,( meanwhile when i was hungry, she asked me to eat instant noodles). i barely shared any stories with her, we argued sometimes as well. i remember, we argued and i swore at her, then she slapped my face. i didnt cry that time (i really wanted to, but i hold it), and she said in fact i wasn't her daughter and asked me to go away from home. still i didnt cry, all i did was, i offered my face to be slapped again. i still can picture her face that time, she was really upset and hurt of my disrespectful. I didnt cry in front of her, but deep down my heart was torn apart (yeah i cried so bad after).

the thing is, i don't cry easily when it comes to physical pain, got hit, felt down, or anything. it just when its about her i became so sensitive.. I never blame her ( i really never) when she almost lost me in shopping centre when i was kid; or she never hug us and kiss us or even say i love u to us(yet i find out being corny is just not her style);
the fact is ; she is the one i love the most. her word means everything to me. when she said that words, it left a scar in my heart.

then again when i got older,somehow i became closer with her.
i learnt to understand her more, instead of i expect she is the one to understand me.. whenever she has her mood, i prefer to be quiet, i am a lot more calm..i start to understand that being her, being mum is really hard. she has to take care of us, my Dad, my grandmas, and also her siblings. and somehow everything in the past become understandable.

i suddenly put her as my priority, i put her first in my 'go together list'.
i realize she got more wrinkles and dark circle on her eyes. I felt so sorry somehow. My mum got older. i try my best to company her anytime she needs company. i drive her. and i help her to do some house things (which i never did before, always think Mbak is the one who has to do it).. i start to share some problems with her, not much, just some, i don't want to make her worry. i always know she has too much things to think, why should i burden her. everything becomes easier. then i realize, i change, the way i think of her is change. and she...she still the same..she still a great mum like ever....

i can proudly say she is supermum..FYI, she never cries in front of us. i never see her cry..in my life for 25 years.never..

she is the best cook ever (for those who tried her dishes, u will agree), she cooks 3 times in a day with different dishes( all yummy vegetarian foods, i can't imagine be if i have to eat only those plants XP) ... she never push us to get stupid rank in school(lucky me).. most of my friends like her a lot, assuming my Dad is too scary (which is a bit true),, she fixes most of broken things at home, while my Dad just sit there, does nothing to help (T_T)..

It's a bit funny sometimes when i think back what are my mum's bad habits..
she is very typical not on time person. her time is like " oo ok i promise i wont be long, just 10 minutes, then she will be back like in 30 mins"..also, she changes her mind a lot, which made me upset a lot everytime i want to go out (I'm very stick to schedule). one thing make me laugh all the time is when i remember how she bargain when she goes shopping, it is like she can get almost half price than before. even when she went to Penang, the shop lady scolded her and said she was crazy with such a lower price. and my mum was like " u crazy, i'm not, ok??".. cool but made me laugh all the time, plus i feel sorry for the seller. they pretty much gave up with my mum and let her win... one thing made me embarrased was she cut the queue when she was in Sydney. and i was like "MUm,,,,,,,,,,,OMG...feel so ashamed, the ozy was just shake their head..T_T... and i will never win over her since she is really stubborn and smart... then again,whatever she does, she is my Mum..she is the best mum for me,,,


whenever i feel moody or if i am sick, i just need to call her, listen to her voice, and thats it, i will feel better. cos i know, she is the only person who know me really really well. no matter how shit my day is, how tired I'm with routines, i am blessed knowing i still have my Mum. even when she visits us like twice in a year, she will clean the house, cook for us, and not taking rest which she supposed to... (feel so bad now)..
now when she get older, she is tired easier.

in my life, she always be my inspiration with or without my awareness..
she affects me a lot... in return, i try to be a good person, i don't want to make her worry. once, i asked her what will make her happy about us. it's not to see us rich or success in carreer, but all she wants and makes her happy is if we live happily. simple but its true. as long as i can take good care of myself, i live healthy and happily, she will be very released.. she knows i am very happy now, i married to a very good guy. my husband is the first guy she likes a lot. and that makes me happy when i know my mum now is released, she trusted me to my husband...


for sure i know, one day there will be a day when we are separated, and i cant ever imagine if that day comes... that's why i keep reminding myself, to do whatever i can to make her happy. don't wait until all are too late..
my promise is i have to take her and my dad with my husband to travel one day...

again, our mum is the best... My mum is the one who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take....

she will always be loved wherever she goes... and whenever people ask me, who is she.. i proudly say THAT's MY MUM...

i love my mother...always....

I'm not pretty but i like myself,,,,

I never really care before about beauty, pretty and all those girl things before... i don't til yesterday one of my friend knocked me with these things..

"wei, u are a woman, but u don't put make up, barely dress up... ur husband will turn his face in the next 5 years if u keep doing like that..."

not a harsh statement, yet it punched me down.. make me wonder.......

okay, let's say ...most girls put make up, do hair treatment, facial, manicure, pedicure regularly, what else.. aaah dress pretty most of time.. having super expensive bags (or addicted to branded bags)..LV..channel..prada...

well.. nothing is wrong with that.., but then why i don't have even one of those criteria... or maybe i am different,,,

i'm not hypocrite... i like being pretty, or i try to look pretty... and pretty beauty is "a must word" for every woman... of course i did some facial, hair treatment before, i put make up in special occasion..however, i can count it with my hands , meaning, i barely do it...plus i dont have expensive bags...lol..

the fact is, (and i'm sure people know it), i dress casual with sneakers.. i dont put make up (i just hv lipstick, lipgloss and blush on)..i dont have foundation,,, sounds so poor...my hair is straight, not colored anymore since Tony doesnt let me,, i am far far far away from those hot chicks....

then what? do i feel ashamed? naaah, not really... i know i am so plain... but looking at those girls in the street.. i realize i am not the only one.. the percentage is 70 percents for those hot chicks with hot appearance, but counting the other ordinary 30 percentages will make u feel better..

but hey again, i am not hypocrite.. i admire those pretty girls.. i always enjoy looking and investigating those pretty girls in the street. what are they wearing, their face and their appearance... i love them.. just, i cant be one of them..uups.. not because i can not.. but because i don't want.. money can buy those things to make ourselves prettier... i cant pictured my self wearing sweet gown, high heels, full of make up everyday, or Lv bags is hanging on my shoulder... the thing is i am awei...

maybe u will never agree with me, but u might agree with ur own experience where u try so hard to be as perfect or as pretty as u can just for making someone like u or be aware of u... i did too..in my past... as a young girl, who never wants to get attention from a group of guys... u even cant stop smiling if u know someone check you out.. that's true...

again, have u ever noticed that some girls try too hard to be someone's expectation instead of her own's.. she is not wrong, again i was too... every girl has their period of times being someone else... though my period had gone long long time a go...

everyone says, inner beauty is more important than outer one... i agree with it.. everyone agrees.. however, we all just can not get out from outer beauty.... ask ur guy friend, they will agree that they get into girl from their appearance.. so where is inner beauty role in this scenario... wait, inner beauty takes main role eventually...

no matter how pretty we are, without good heart and good manner, eventually all guys will kick u off... not only guy, let's say girl to girl conversation... hundred times u will hear someone saying.." she is pretty, hot, and so cute, but.... she is...blah blah..blah...bad words come from their mouth..." rather than that i like to hear someone saying, hey i know she is just average, but she is really kind, she is prettier day by days.....

which one will u prefer to be...??

i am not saying pretty and hot chicks always act bitchy, yet i know some which is really pretty and they are not as pretty as their face. life is not that perfect, it's rarely to have pretty face and pretty heart. hence, i have couple of friends who have those two.. inner and outer beauty. again, what i learnt from them is, their inner dominates outer, they have a good looking face, more than average, but their manner and behavior are wow.... by looking at them, u will admire them..

i always believe there is no, not even one UGLY girl in this world.. they all can be pretty as technology has improved much... i always believe the power of inner is greater than anything... of course i dont want just dressing with shirt fulled of hole, messy hair, bad breath or even yellow teeth... that's outlier from this scenario.. i am saying about average girl who is simple, ordinary, and natural who sometimes feel not confidence about themselves... i always believe we all pretty by what we do, talk, think and behave... as my friend quoted, beauty is relative, depends on whom thinking....

i have heaaaapsssss of pretty friends innerly... that makes me love them so much.. i dont really care about what bag are they wearing, what dress or even they just a nerdy one, i love them all... for me, they show me what they really are, not covered by any foundation, they just what they are and that makes them beautiful...

as myself, i never count myself as a pretty one... i always appreciate when my husband reckon i am the prettiest one for him, cos thats true. what makes u r pretty for those people whom u love and love u, is what u really are, ur inner, and definitely ur appearance contributes...

as long as u feel good with ur dressing style, no matter which style u like.. u are pretty...

in a way, i always consider myself as a natural one.. yes sometimes i can loose my confidence a lot, but when the one u love smile at u and say u always be the prettiest in their heart, u will know what i mean...

back to my friend statement,,, to sum up.. i replied well yes i know i am plain and too ordinary..but i am proud to being myself...

so people, proud of urself...u are pretty in my eyes....

my old dayssss,,,

time goes fast, day by days, month by months, year by years and here i am...

i'm 25..i live in sydney.. i finished my uni...i work... and i just got married legally (reception comes on december)...

i wonder why and how my life is never been happier,,, my life is perfect...

i was looking at some friends' facebook... and i memorize back,,,

my old times...my high school memories, my uni memories and my working memories back home,,, i have thousands sweet memories before,,,


the moment when we were in high school... my 1-1 class, my 2-4 class, and my 3-3 class...how i miss u guys...no burden, just fun and simple...
i remember lots of memories where we got scolded by teachers, when we skipped class and hide in medical room.. or when we cheated a lot during exams...i remember me, kuchay, cindy and dicky, we divided cheats by pages...eventually we always got the same mark in a year without got caught..aah no...dicky u got caught when u cheat cindy's exam..how i miss that moments... i remember 7-up gank...what a gank...me, ucha, kuchay, steph, ivone, tere and fannie pus..think we were cool, always grouping together and hang around in school...hahaahaaa...

so glad knowing heaps of my high school friends are getting success in their career.. glad to see syah, how great he is now with his photography.. back there we just sort of troublemaker at class..yet i knew from the beginning u will be success...

i miss some of my good friends who are overseas at the moment.. devi in KL, steph in Sf, and juli in Tw.. how are they doing now? though we still keep in touch, still wonder how are they up to?

some of my friends are married and having babies...still cant believe time flies and bring them to the real happiness life...having family and commit to them... i remember when we were in class, talking about our future,, about married life, and even wanmy made one promise to all,,,"on december 24, 2010 (which was 7 years after 2003) we will meet again, gather together at christmas eve, at ave maria church"... i am wondering will they do it this year...since i will not be in indo..^ ^

heaps of my friends having their own business, and i am so happy to know that.. my best friend maya, and some of my good friend, diana, yossy, felly.. i wish all the best for you guys,,

what i miss the most is my idear life...for almost 1.5 years i had been there.. i miss everything i had back there...and i miss deng laoshi who left this world this year.. how idear will never be the same without u...

it feels so good when i see some of my friends still catch up, aliss,wo2, ivon and the gank with cayong... diana n the gank, lenz and the gank..
how i miss old times... and i miss my gank even more..maya and the gank.. seven up.. cindy..idear gank....aai, anang and the gank(narsis gank)..and curtin and the gank... i look forward to meet u again guys...

i never been happier knowing my life is so perfect... my family is perfect.. my friends are good.. and my life is perfect.... i have the best husband and i have the best life... feel so grateful...

i live with old sweet memories and current sweet memories...and i will always have great moments everyday and til i die....love u all....

something random

whenever talk about death,, it has always been a sad story. definitely yes.,

some poeple are scared to die, and some people are not...
there's always questions such as, what will happen after death?is there any hell or heaven? will i be in hell? and blah blah blah

well for myself, honestly i always feel ready when the time is come, or even somehow i always feel i will leave this world earlier (God Forbid)...
then again i still want to do a lot of things...a lot a lot a lot things to do...i havent done anything to make my parents proud, i still want to travel around the world, i really want spend the rest of my days with my husband...i still want to have a baby, grow old with them, attend their wedding,,, and that,,,and this,,, and so on..... i don't want to leave this world so soon...

the question is we never know when the time is come.... we never know..

since i was young, i always know life is unpredictable..everything can happen in a day even in one hour..therefore, it become my life lesson..that i always do and live with the memory of life is short. i grow up with that believe, so i do it. i always do whatever i want, of course not in a negative way, i still don't go clubbing, drugs, smoke or even do such a teenage thing. i try to say thank u and sorry everytime i feel to... i always try think positive (of course i fail many times)...and live happily cos we never know what happened tomorrow...

i was reminded everytime i watch any "sci-fi" movies talking about disaster, the end of the world, etc....some people doesn't take any credit from it, while i do...i always believe one day it will happened to us... i might sound cliche and so pathetic.. but it makes me live gratefully and happily...

let's make it real, have u ever thought how many person u know well left u unexpectedly?

i've been in sydney just for 2 years 2 months, but some people i know well left me sooner than i thought.

i never think about being die, but the more i know the reality, the more upset i am... yes, i told u before i am not really scared to die, but the truth is i'm scared being left even more...

it was the second month in sydney, my Grandma left us...it was a bit shock for me, cos i think 2 weeks before that, i still talked with her in phone, yet clearly in my mind my promise to bring her here.. ans she left us... i can say i was close to her, i met her every 2-3 times in a week, and i love her... i love both of my grandma (my other grandma passed away 2 years before i came here), and i could not get any love from grandma,,

around March 2009, one of my uni friend had accident and she left us all.. she was 23, and young and bright, full of hopes for future, and nobody will ever know she would die so young. i remember a week before the accident happened, we were chatting on msn, and she mentioned how she wanted to go overseas for study english, asked me about australia's life and how was i going here? when i memorize back, we were close before in the first year at uni, even til i graduated we were still in the same class. just can't believe that day she passed away,,, life is short...

just last april, the person i reckon very kind, passed away. he is my work amte in kindergarten. he passed away because he was sick, in his 30s, he hasnt got married, he's vegetarian, active in buddhist society, he's been teaching kids for more than 6 years and he is really good person. then again i wonder, why good people passes away faster than the other.. again, life is unpredictable,,,

and the last news i got was one of my high school classmate passed away. again, i feel like i was knocked...he was 25, single, he was very calm and good friend in my memory.. but why that happened to him...

those are some of people i know well..they passed away in different way. what can i learn from this are

life is short, so why dont we live happily, live honestly,do good while u can, do whatever u like (but dont kill people, lol)...live and say what u wanna say...

simple isnt it? thats the theory, the fact is not all people can do it.. some people make this life more complicated by their mind....i am not suggesting u to do that, we have to control our mind, be happy and be grateful that we at least still get a time to do something....

i always remind my sis about this, over and over again,,that dont regret anything..have ur life fun, cos money is not everything..hahaha...

and for sure i will always live happily and do anything i can...

and i believe we all can do it...

be happy....