I'm not pretty but i like myself,,,,

I never really care before about beauty, pretty and all those girl things before... i don't til yesterday one of my friend knocked me with these things..

"wei, u are a woman, but u don't put make up, barely dress up... ur husband will turn his face in the next 5 years if u keep doing like that..."

not a harsh statement, yet it punched me down.. make me wonder.......

okay, let's say ...most girls put make up, do hair treatment, facial, manicure, pedicure regularly, what else.. aaah dress pretty most of time.. having super expensive bags (or addicted to branded bags)..LV..channel..prada...

well.. nothing is wrong with that.., but then why i don't have even one of those criteria... or maybe i am different,,,

i'm not hypocrite... i like being pretty, or i try to look pretty... and pretty beauty is "a must word" for every woman... of course i did some facial, hair treatment before, i put make up in special occasion..however, i can count it with my hands , meaning, i barely do it...plus i dont have expensive bags...lol..

the fact is, (and i'm sure people know it), i dress casual with sneakers.. i dont put make up (i just hv lipstick, lipgloss and blush on)..i dont have foundation,,, sounds so poor...my hair is straight, not colored anymore since Tony doesnt let me,, i am far far far away from those hot chicks....

then what? do i feel ashamed? naaah, not really... i know i am so plain... but looking at those girls in the street.. i realize i am not the only one.. the percentage is 70 percents for those hot chicks with hot appearance, but counting the other ordinary 30 percentages will make u feel better..

but hey again, i am not hypocrite.. i admire those pretty girls.. i always enjoy looking and investigating those pretty girls in the street. what are they wearing, their face and their appearance... i love them.. just, i cant be one of them..uups.. not because i can not.. but because i don't want.. money can buy those things to make ourselves prettier... i cant pictured my self wearing sweet gown, high heels, full of make up everyday, or Lv bags is hanging on my shoulder... the thing is i am awei...

maybe u will never agree with me, but u might agree with ur own experience where u try so hard to be as perfect or as pretty as u can just for making someone like u or be aware of u... i did too..in my past... as a young girl, who never wants to get attention from a group of guys... u even cant stop smiling if u know someone check you out.. that's true...

again, have u ever noticed that some girls try too hard to be someone's expectation instead of her own's.. she is not wrong, again i was too... every girl has their period of times being someone else... though my period had gone long long time a go...

everyone says, inner beauty is more important than outer one... i agree with it.. everyone agrees.. however, we all just can not get out from outer beauty.... ask ur guy friend, they will agree that they get into girl from their appearance.. so where is inner beauty role in this scenario... wait, inner beauty takes main role eventually...

no matter how pretty we are, without good heart and good manner, eventually all guys will kick u off... not only guy, let's say girl to girl conversation... hundred times u will hear someone saying.." she is pretty, hot, and so cute, but.... she is...blah blah..blah...bad words come from their mouth..." rather than that i like to hear someone saying, hey i know she is just average, but she is really kind, she is prettier day by days.....

which one will u prefer to be...??

i am not saying pretty and hot chicks always act bitchy, yet i know some which is really pretty and they are not as pretty as their face. life is not that perfect, it's rarely to have pretty face and pretty heart. hence, i have couple of friends who have those two.. inner and outer beauty. again, what i learnt from them is, their inner dominates outer, they have a good looking face, more than average, but their manner and behavior are wow.... by looking at them, u will admire them..

i always believe there is no, not even one UGLY girl in this world.. they all can be pretty as technology has improved much... i always believe the power of inner is greater than anything... of course i dont want just dressing with shirt fulled of hole, messy hair, bad breath or even yellow teeth... that's outlier from this scenario.. i am saying about average girl who is simple, ordinary, and natural who sometimes feel not confidence about themselves... i always believe we all pretty by what we do, talk, think and behave... as my friend quoted, beauty is relative, depends on whom thinking....

i have heaaaapsssss of pretty friends innerly... that makes me love them so much.. i dont really care about what bag are they wearing, what dress or even they just a nerdy one, i love them all... for me, they show me what they really are, not covered by any foundation, they just what they are and that makes them beautiful...

as myself, i never count myself as a pretty one... i always appreciate when my husband reckon i am the prettiest one for him, cos thats true. what makes u r pretty for those people whom u love and love u, is what u really are, ur inner, and definitely ur appearance contributes...

as long as u feel good with ur dressing style, no matter which style u like.. u are pretty...

in a way, i always consider myself as a natural one.. yes sometimes i can loose my confidence a lot, but when the one u love smile at u and say u always be the prettiest in their heart, u will know what i mean...

back to my friend statement,,, to sum up.. i replied well yes i know i am plain and too ordinary..but i am proud to being myself...

so people, proud of urself...u are pretty in my eyes....

my old dayssss,,,

time goes fast, day by days, month by months, year by years and here i am...

i'm 25..i live in sydney.. i finished my uni...i work... and i just got married legally (reception comes on december)...

i wonder why and how my life is never been happier,,, my life is perfect...

i was looking at some friends' facebook... and i memorize back,,,

my old times...my high school memories, my uni memories and my working memories back home,,, i have thousands sweet memories before,,,


the moment when we were in high school... my 1-1 class, my 2-4 class, and my 3-3 class...how i miss u guys...no burden, just fun and simple...
i remember lots of memories where we got scolded by teachers, when we skipped class and hide in medical room.. or when we cheated a lot during exams...i remember me, kuchay, cindy and dicky, we divided cheats by pages...eventually we always got the same mark in a year without got caught..aah no...dicky u got caught when u cheat cindy's exam..how i miss that moments... i remember 7-up gank...what a gank...me, ucha, kuchay, steph, ivone, tere and fannie pus..think we were cool, always grouping together and hang around in school...hahaahaaa...

so glad knowing heaps of my high school friends are getting success in their career.. glad to see syah, how great he is now with his photography.. back there we just sort of troublemaker at class..yet i knew from the beginning u will be success...

i miss some of my good friends who are overseas at the moment.. devi in KL, steph in Sf, and juli in Tw.. how are they doing now? though we still keep in touch, still wonder how are they up to?

some of my friends are married and having babies...still cant believe time flies and bring them to the real happiness life...having family and commit to them... i remember when we were in class, talking about our future,, about married life, and even wanmy made one promise to all,,,"on december 24, 2010 (which was 7 years after 2003) we will meet again, gather together at christmas eve, at ave maria church"... i am wondering will they do it this year...since i will not be in indo..^ ^

heaps of my friends having their own business, and i am so happy to know that.. my best friend maya, and some of my good friend, diana, yossy, felly.. i wish all the best for you guys,,

what i miss the most is my idear life...for almost 1.5 years i had been there.. i miss everything i had back there...and i miss deng laoshi who left this world this year.. how idear will never be the same without u...

it feels so good when i see some of my friends still catch up, aliss,wo2, ivon and the gank with cayong... diana n the gank, lenz and the gank..
how i miss old times... and i miss my gank even more..maya and the gank.. seven up.. cindy..idear gank....aai, anang and the gank(narsis gank)..and curtin and the gank... i look forward to meet u again guys...

i never been happier knowing my life is so perfect... my family is perfect.. my friends are good.. and my life is perfect.... i have the best husband and i have the best life... feel so grateful...

i live with old sweet memories and current sweet memories...and i will always have great moments everyday and til i die....love u all....

something random

whenever talk about death,, it has always been a sad story. definitely yes.,

some poeple are scared to die, and some people are not...
there's always questions such as, what will happen after death?is there any hell or heaven? will i be in hell? and blah blah blah

well for myself, honestly i always feel ready when the time is come, or even somehow i always feel i will leave this world earlier (God Forbid)...
then again i still want to do a lot of things...a lot a lot a lot things to do...i havent done anything to make my parents proud, i still want to travel around the world, i really want spend the rest of my days with my husband...i still want to have a baby, grow old with them, attend their wedding,,, and that,,,and this,,, and so on..... i don't want to leave this world so soon...

the question is we never know when the time is come.... we never know..

since i was young, i always know life is unpredictable..everything can happen in a day even in one hour..therefore, it become my life lesson..that i always do and live with the memory of life is short. i grow up with that believe, so i do it. i always do whatever i want, of course not in a negative way, i still don't go clubbing, drugs, smoke or even do such a teenage thing. i try to say thank u and sorry everytime i feel to... i always try think positive (of course i fail many times)...and live happily cos we never know what happened tomorrow...

i was reminded everytime i watch any "sci-fi" movies talking about disaster, the end of the world, etc....some people doesn't take any credit from it, while i do...i always believe one day it will happened to us... i might sound cliche and so pathetic.. but it makes me live gratefully and happily...

let's make it real, have u ever thought how many person u know well left u unexpectedly?

i've been in sydney just for 2 years 2 months, but some people i know well left me sooner than i thought.

i never think about being die, but the more i know the reality, the more upset i am... yes, i told u before i am not really scared to die, but the truth is i'm scared being left even more...

it was the second month in sydney, my Grandma left us...it was a bit shock for me, cos i think 2 weeks before that, i still talked with her in phone, yet clearly in my mind my promise to bring her here.. ans she left us... i can say i was close to her, i met her every 2-3 times in a week, and i love her... i love both of my grandma (my other grandma passed away 2 years before i came here), and i could not get any love from grandma,,

around March 2009, one of my uni friend had accident and she left us all.. she was 23, and young and bright, full of hopes for future, and nobody will ever know she would die so young. i remember a week before the accident happened, we were chatting on msn, and she mentioned how she wanted to go overseas for study english, asked me about australia's life and how was i going here? when i memorize back, we were close before in the first year at uni, even til i graduated we were still in the same class. just can't believe that day she passed away,,, life is short...

just last april, the person i reckon very kind, passed away. he is my work amte in kindergarten. he passed away because he was sick, in his 30s, he hasnt got married, he's vegetarian, active in buddhist society, he's been teaching kids for more than 6 years and he is really good person. then again i wonder, why good people passes away faster than the other.. again, life is unpredictable,,,

and the last news i got was one of my high school classmate passed away. again, i feel like i was knocked...he was 25, single, he was very calm and good friend in my memory.. but why that happened to him...

those are some of people i know well..they passed away in different way. what can i learn from this are

life is short, so why dont we live happily, live honestly,do good while u can, do whatever u like (but dont kill people, lol)...live and say what u wanna say...

simple isnt it? thats the theory, the fact is not all people can do it.. some people make this life more complicated by their mind....i am not suggesting u to do that, we have to control our mind, be happy and be grateful that we at least still get a time to do something....

i always remind my sis about this, over and over again,,that dont regret anything..have ur life fun, cos money is not everything..hahaha...

and for sure i will always live happily and do anything i can...

and i believe we all can do it...

be happy....

get well soon everybody

sick..that is the word everyone tries to avoid..who wants to be sick?none...of course...

but then again, when the season is coming..we can not run away from it.....like recently, i can say it is a sick season, starting early September. it was pretty hot on August 30 and 31 reached 25 degrees, drop til 16 or 17 on the other day. i know it is not a huge drop, yet people are getting sick by it.

i was okay on Monday, though been working for 4 days, tired but i was okay. on Tuesday i started coughing, i got shore throat badly, feel so thirsty and by the night i felt very weak. i got Wednesday off, feel so happy and still do some shopping with Tony but ended feel a bit dizzy and heavily shore throat in the night. i couldn't wake up on Thursday, even time was 9 o clock but my body was aching and so weak. therefore i decided not to work on afternoon and so on for the next day.

i always hate the feeling of sick. feel so weak, dizzy, fever, headache, and moody. plus i was alone at home. everyone was working and again, same like last year, i was alone at home, and i hate that feeling. i missed my mum so much, cos whenever i got sick back home, mum was always there, cook for me and give a massage. i can say i am not easily sick person, but when i get sick, i will sick very bad, all things come together, fever, running nose, cough, shore throat, and my body get aching, and the worse was i always cry (so ashamed, lol) whenever i was sick here (not in Jakarta, of course). it just when u are sick, all u need is a good rest, someone's care and someone's companion.

i remember last year on July i was sick badly as well, couldn't sleep at night, my nose was blocked and i was in fever, and i was crying that night because of pain, my body was aching. and the worst scenario was i still had to work the next day cos no one can work for me..T_T...

well, this year same thing happened but......i can get 3 days off, which is much better than last year, at least i can recover easily and quickly. whenever i felt not well, i would always call my mum, by hearing her voice made me feel much better indeed, i miss her, and again i don't want to make her worry, so i just told her i had shore throat, that's why my voice was weak.

when i was alone at home, having my congee at my room, watching movie, my lovely one came to visit me, even i know he has to work all day (i never expected he would come that soon) and he took 10 minutes of his work time to bring me lemon, made me honey and lemon... i was so touched and again (so embarrassing) i started to cry. i felt so happy and touched that he cares of me,.....feel so much so much better after that,,,

even my friends sent me some positive energy, and i thanked her for that. i was a bit confused before how that energy thing worked, but at the end somehow i felt better by accepting a positive mind.

when my sis came back from work, she massaged me and made me feel better (thanks a lot for that sis)... and i was thinking that aaah i am still lucky, i still have them who cares of me.. even i made my self think so desperately sad, the fact is i am not that sad, hey, i have someone who love me, care of me, and nothing that i can say than be grateful.

i get much better today, still get running nose, coughing every half an hour, and my ears are blocked,and ready for work in the next 2 hours. the sad thing is a lot of people are sick too. Tony has been sick since yesterday, and i was worrying him, even in my dream i dream he didn't sleep at all cos of his sick (silly dream), now its my turn to take care of him and hope he get well soon. and i found out my work mates are sick too..3 of them are sick in the same time,, my high school friends are sick too...make me feel so sad too...
i always think that sick is a weakest moment when we feel so low, weak and all that we need are proper food, medicine, good rest and someone's care and love. i hope all of my friends getting better, and get proper rest and medicine. and i hope they have someone cares of them like i have.

get well soon everybody, we have to take care ourselves....love u alllllll

what will u do if??

If one day, u own a supermarket or just a groceries shop and someone steal in ur shop, what will u do???
if that question goes to me, honestly i don't know what will i do...probably i will catch them and scolded them, eventually i will let them go after they promise not to do that anymore.. cliche?? i think so...

when me and Tony were shopping in Asian Grocery and we were about to finish, i heard people screamed and yelled in the same time.when i looked into the crowded, i saw the staff caught up someone stole in their shop..the theft was an old Chinese lady, around 50 years old i guess... she was saying sorry while the staff hold her body and scolded her badly and saying call the police to come in...she tried to get out from the back(as they took them to the back so won't distract the other customers) , yet i still can hear clearly what they were saying since i understand mandarin. the first thing passed on my mind was should i help that theft and help her to pay what she stole?? i feel like my heart was squeezed and all i can do was nothing..they kept screaming at the back, saying u are theft, u shouldn't steal anything, we call police and u deserved to be in jail, while the old lady kept begging to be released and apologizing and i can hear she was crying....i don't like to hear that, and i closed my ear when i had to get something at the back and rushing back to the counter.. i left the shop just in time when the police came...

still, i felt so so so so so terrible.. it is not my business, but why my heart is so weak...i kept hearing those conversation. it was like a broken radio in my head...she begged and cried...and i told Tony what i felt..he felt the same way too. that we both feel so sorry and feel so awful as we can't do anything...

back then, i was reminded the same scenario..i wasn't there but my bro told me about this. it was happened in the basketball court. someone stole a mobile phone i guess..it's ended up by caught the theft and bashed him up plus took him to police and they bashed him up again...what a story..when i heard that, for some reason again i felt so weak and coward. i felt so bad...my bro felt bad too as he did nothing (which is, i'm glad to hear that, he didn't bash or get involved with those guys). but when he said one of his friend said the theft deserved to get bashed, i was thinking like...hm...was it the normal answer that all thefts deserve to be bashed?? i know that STEALING is a WRONG and no excuses for any of it, it is a crime. however, indeed i always believe there will be a reason behind the crime.. and mostly i believe they steal cos they have to, for helping their living.

as i never mention before, i was a theft victim too. my mobile phone was stolen and secretly said there was one moment when theft broke into my home.. well.. no matter how angry i was or how scared and upset i was, i never fully blamed them. again, i know i sound so stupid and naive. of course i felt so angry about that, but i never have any intention to investigate it. instead i prefer to forget it and consider it was my bad luck. even i still thank to Buddha i am okay, i am not hurt and nobody was hurt for that crime.

this is just my opinion of how i see something bad happen. of course just in this case, theft. will be different for a killing or rape or terrorism....then again, i like to ask this scenario to someone closed to me just to know what are they indeed...

the first people i asked is someone closed to me before, the different story but same scenario about what would u do if someone stole from u.. the answer was definitely will punch the theft, dragged him to police. hm..pretty harsh reply i guess. i was a bit disagree with it, then again i knew the answer would be like that..
the second person i asked was about what would u do if someone got bashed and u were there. the answer was like" i don't know, nothing i guess.. i don't really care, maybe he just deserved.." still, i don't like the answer....and the third people i asked i gave them all the scenario i gave to first and second people, and he as like.."yes i would be so angry to the theft, i may be just chased him up, punch him a bit, but i would let him go after i make sure he was sorry. i would not call a police or saw everyone bashed him badly. i always believe there was a reason behind the crime..i would feel so bad after all.. and if i saw someone bash others, of course i would help esp when it was a minority." and i am so happy to hear his answer. i agree with him

what i can sum up for this, is, every one has their own perception. of course my opinion will be different with yours. perhaps, u will say i am too stupid or pretend to be nice, well i admit i am a bit stupid and coward. i always feel coward when i see someone fight each other.or  i always feel insecure whenever i see a group of people in the city. the funny thing is, on the other hand, when ever i know someone pick on or hurt my family or friends, i never scared to fight back. no matter i love peaceful, but once u hurt someone i care and love, u'll regret,, this is called "heroic".. funny but it's true.,. i can't stand or jut let it go if my friends got picked on..
i remember when i was in high school i always so emotionally protect my friend, not too heroic though... esp when the strong bullied the weak.. i'm not saying i am a good person when i was in school, sometimes i accidentally bully the others (and im not the popular gang, i consider i am in the middle)... lol

even when some bitch tried to hurt one of my family members, of course i came in and i pushed her away and was so so emotionally hate her. i never thought i would go so far either..at least i know now, i have a bit heroic heart, not being so cocky but i will never let someone to hurt my family and friends..

long stories, short question, what will u answer if i ask u the same question like above??

this is an interesting question, isn't it??well, try little time to think about it....and u will know what you are really are indeed...

L-O-V-E

what is love??

i never know what is love before...when i was younger...all i know for love is just.. love family, friends and love a boy...

love my family because i live with them,,,stay with them and have to love them..love is compulsary..

love my friends because we go to the same class, doing a same homework, hanging around and chatting around...

love a boy because he is cute, handsome, he treats me nice so i like him, my heart beats so fast if i see him..my friends hook us up, so i like him,,



when i was young adult...all i know for love is just

love my family because i need them financially (of course), i love to being at home when i am stress of my life,, i spend all my days with them, companying my mum everywhere so i love them..or even having dinner together everyday, and i love them,,

love my friends because we share a lot of sadness, happiness, and problems,,,hang out every week..sharing some gossip and sometimes may argue...

love a guy cos..think he's cute, kind and want to try something new...he seems understand me, and i like him..try to feel what is love feel like, though it never comes in a right way...

and when i am adult now...(is 25 counts as adult?guess so)

i know what is love like....


love my family even more that i am so grateful i am a part of my family...i love them for everything..they take care of me for 25 years and ask nothing in return..they always be there when i need them, always ready never blame me....trust me and take me whatever i am..and support me mentally (its really more important, since i finance myself), i love them however we don't live together anymore. they are far away but hearts always stick together. love my dad for being such a best dad, though we barely chat or hang out cos he's busy at work, indeed i know he loves me more than anything..love my mum for being a superior and incredible mum..she is everything for me, my mu, my friend and the one i love the most. no matter how we argue about the past, no one can replace her in my heart. love my sis cos she never change, innocent, kind hearted (even sometimes she's too tight and sweat lil' things....lol) and take care of me..love my bro cos he is such a weird bro (hahaa), cool (well, he wishes), and we just go along well though not that much time we spent...but i do love him,,(pls dont puke)..lol....well..i do love my family..and love my aunties, cousins and uncles too...they help me a lot  lot a lot....and i just realize without family and relatives i am nothing...


love my friends even more that they are truly a good friend...distance is not a matter. they are always there, we share any than lil' things but future...its about how we have a life and we still catch up and care for each other...love them cos i know they are happy and success.. thanking them cos i am irreplacable in their heart.
love them even though we are far away, barely chat and hang out. but whenever we catch up, it feels so right and good....feel so comfy, an old fella's for an ages....


and talking of love a guy...its not just a guy, its not just what he looks like or what i can get from him, but its about him,,,about mr. right....my mr right , my soulmate, my lover, my husband, my boyfriend, a friend and a partner for life...love is more than just for me...its about loving him...sharing..and togetherness..not about what i don't like about him or i like about him, its more to accept whatever he is..all his weakness and his strengthness. love is more to solve the problems that we have instead of balimg whose fault it is..care and always be there...love is about how to understand what he feels without asking so many questions...support him and sacrifise ego just for him..
and love him even more cos he knows who truely i am...he loves me exactly like i love him..we share moments, we share stories, pain, happiness and share our soul..its not about fancy gifts, fancy dinners but its about togetherness.. we rather be at home cooking together, spending most of our time for shopping groceries and even just lying down and watch movies..its about us, who we spend the time with. and when i know it is him makes me love him even more...love is more than that..it is how we live together with all the differences, how u make it works and how u solve it.. its about make him happier cos i will be happier when he is happy. love is asking nothing for return...its sincere and its universal..its about how we behave and make people surround us happy..

but love for me is even more greater cos it is you...you are my love....

i never know what is love before til i met u......u are my everything and love is you...

i am an oxen, what about u??

do u  ever believe that your chinese horoscope will affect your personality??

well..i think i do.....i was born under the ox year....they say ox people is a hardworking, loyal and devoted....

i cant say i am a hundred person that ox....

but then again, i was reminded by one of my friend....it was when i was working in the cafe and i had to leave 30 minutes earlier than my shift since i get to work in the next of 45 minutes.
and he was like... yooo...why u work so hard?? u are a girl...u can't be working like that.....are u crazy or what? u work like 14 hours in one day??

i was thinking what he told me when i was in bus...i was thinking like..i've been doing 3 days in a week of a marathon job, starting 8 in the morning finish around 4.30 and work again in another place starting at 5 and finish around 10.30...what the hell i am doing in here???

do i really desperate for money, (think cos im an overseas student and need money)..??do i really beg for a money??
but hey,,,,i am not that poor, ain't i?
i've been working more than 50 hours in a week since last year plus i have classes, assignments, and exams in Uni, i have to do house work and cooking and stuff,  and wwwooooww...i think i am really "xiao"(nuts)..

i remember now, one of my best friend told me i was so crazy working like this, plus i am a girl...what if i was a guy, surely i will work double than i do now...even my mum sometimes always complain why i kept working like an ox???now i just remember my mum always call me when i am working...hahahaaa....

when my mum's friend came to sydney, she was so worried of me cos she saw how tired i was and she said my eyes' s dark circle is getting heavier...she asked me not to work that hard....

well all i can do is i think i am ox....ox works really hard..i enjoy it though...
i rather be working than doing nothing at home..its like my body get used to it and i really enjoy it when i'm working....(not that hundred percents enjoy it, sometimes i feel so sucks with the work routines)
and i've been working hard since i was 20 i guess,,,i was still in uni, while i did my part time job as a teacher..
well everyone says i have a lot of money huh, but the reality nope i dont save a lot cos i used that money a lot too..lol..not specifically shopping things, its more for traveling...

a lot of people that i know which is ox as well (esp. the female ox), they are as crazy as i do,,, even sometimes i think its more like a "less luck" horoscope compare with "pig" who seems so lucky all the time to get what they want. while me, i need a long effort to get what i want...

back to people i know, a friend of mine in USA, she works really hard..and she is oxen too...she works in 2 places, as an overseas student as well...plus a bunch of my female high schools friends who was born as an ox, they seems to be a hardworking people...

i am addicted to the routines i guess, but when i was in a bad mood feeling, all i feel is just fucking off from work and be alone and enjoy my loneliness....lucky i didn't feel that much, as i always be okay to work...

for me, it's not all because money..it just the "ox" in me, its too strong...
i think those people are agree with me that we have a typical characters, we just want to finish our job no matter how long it will take...


no matter how hard it is, i enjoy it...

and i can say i am proud to be ox...

i will always be an ox...so..what do u think about ox???